Garen's Manly Man Club
by Pear0dee
Summary: After a series of unfortunate events, Garen has decided that there needs to be a club solely for the manliest champions in order to up the general masculinity of the League. What has Garen gotten himself into?
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to Garen's Manly Man Club. This is my first work for the League of Legend fandom. Although Riot has retconned the Institute of War, I've left it here as a way to have all the champions bunched up in one place. Also, there will be mentions of f/f and m/m couples, but the main focus will be on Garen.

With that being said, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Garen Crownguard grumbled to himself as he was teleported from Summoner's Rift back to the Institute. Today had not been a good day for him in the top lane. He had been matched up against the Yordle pansy Teemo. It had not been fun. Garen enjoyed dueling, clashing swords, fighting hand to hand. Unfortunately, that was the complete opposite of what had happened. When he attempted to spin to win and chop Teemo up, the little yordle would run away like a little girl. When he wanted to charge up to Teemo and silence the brat, Teemo would hit him with a blinding dart and run away, laughing as he did so. Whenever Garen wanted to just kill a minion, Teemo would shoot him with a sissy dart and he would be forced to retreat. At his wit's end, Garen attempted to brute force his way to Teemo and let the yordle have a taste of his Demacian Justice. At that moment, the enemy Shaco decided to pop out from the shadows and stabbed Garen in the back, drawing first blood. From there the game continued to go downhill. Teemo would poop mushrooms all over the map, making it near impossible for Garen to go anywhere without the risk of stepping on one and lose a significant chunk of his health. As a result, his team lost. Badly. Garen wasn't so much upset about the fact they lost as it was how they had lost. The enemy team was full of phonies who weren't willing to fight Garen head-on.

Garen shook his head again as he arrived back to his room. The mighty Demacian juggernaut needed a nice hot shower. As the hot water ran down his body, Garen found that he couldn't forget about what happened. The enemy team hadn't fought him like a honorable Demacian would've. In fact, the enemy team hadn't fought him like a real man would've. That was unacceptable! It was so unfair. Garen merely wanted to test his might against the best the League had to offer in a fair manner. He didn't want to fight a pansy marksman who'd run away whenever possible and shoot him when he had no means to retaliate. As Garen continued to ponder the match , he came to a realization. The entire enemy team were full on pansies who didn't have the balls to fight like a man and had to resort to cheap trickery like poking and turning invisible It wasn't just Teemo and Shaco. The enemy midlaner was the Noxian assassin Talon. The enemy bottom lane consisted of Twitch and Rengar. All of them were sissies who couldn't fight mano a mano and needed to turn invisible to get the jump on their target in order to win a fight. Garen punched the wall. Perhaps he needed to teach them how to fight like a man.

Garen finished his hot shower and got dressed. This was certainly a problem that needed to be tackled. However, Garen wasn't the type of man who'd blindly thrust himself into a problem. He needed to come up with a plan to spread the manliness. First of all though, Garen needed to pay his younger sister Lux a visit. He needed to check up on her and make sure everything was alright. After all, there were some pretty unsavory characters within the league and Mama Crownguard would be angry if Garen let his little sister get hurt on his watch. Besides, a real man was a family man.

Garen left his room and walked down to Lux's room. As he approached his sister's room, he saw that she was right outside of her room. But, she was not alone. There was a blonde male next to her. Garen hid behind the corner as he recognized the male as Ezreal, the pansy explorer. There was only one reason he would be in Lux's room. It was obvious. Ezreal wanted to go on a date with his sister. Garen paled. Ezreal was the very definition of anti-manliness. He looked like a complete sissy with his wavy blonde hair and his incredibly girly dance moves. In fact the first time Garen saw him, he actually thought Ezreal was a cross-dressing girl. Not only that, Ezreal also fought like a little bitch. Real men would buy full ad and just go ham. Ezreal on the other hand would buy his silly tear of the goddess and his wussy gauntlet and would have to run from every skirmish as he'd do absolutely no damage.

"Anyways, Lux, I think you are really cute and I'd like to go out on a date with you," Ezreal finished as he nervously scratched his head.

Garen had heard enough. He burst out of his hiding spot. "You aren't nearly man enough to date my sister!" he declared.

Lux groaned. Her brother meant well, but he came off as a overprotective jerk. "Garen, I can make my own decisions. I don't need you here to embarrass me. Can you please leave? We'll have Crownguard teatime later."

Garen ignored his sister. "I'll let you date my sister Ezreal if you can prove to me you are a real man. I want you to prove your manliness by doing thirty push-ups right now." Ezreal stood still, not sure whether Garen was being serious. "I'm not kidding! Get down and give me thirty!" Garen ordered. Ezreal squeaked, dropped down and began his push-ups. He did the first ten no problem. However, as Ezreal began to get closer to twenty, he found he was having more and more trouble doing a push-up. Finally, as Ezreal got to twenty five, he found he lacked the strength to continue. He slumped down to the ground defeated. "I can't do anymore," he admitted.

"I figured you wouldn't be able to finish the first of the many trials of manliness," Garen laughed. "Stay down on the ground like the wuss that you are."

"Garen, that isn't very nice," Lux admonished. She went down and helped get Ezreal back on his feet. "I'm sorry Ezreal, you are a really nice guy, but there is someone else that I have feelings for."

"Oh, I see." Ezreal's shoulders slumped down. "I guess I'll see you later then." He dejectedly walked away.

Garen was happy. Very happy. His sister had made the right choice and rejected that sucker. Seeing a job well done, he began to walk away. As he walked down the hallway, he began to play back what Lux had said to Ezreal when she turned him down. All of a sudden, a lightbulb went off in his head. His sister had said that there was someone else she had a crush on! Garen's mind raced through all of the possibilities. It could be any guy, It could be the creampuff Taric! It could be a filthy Noxian like Darius or Draven! Not on his watch. He turned back around. Lux had already returned to her room. He dashed back to the door. "Lux, open the door up this instant," he yelled as he pounded on the door.

"Garen, what do you need?" Lux called back out.

"Who is it?" Garen yelled. "Who is the person you have feelings for? It better not be one of the Noxians!" Lux did not answer back. "Tell me this instant!" he yelled again as he continued to pound on the door. "Don't make me come back here with my greatsword and cut down this door!"

"Who keeps making that noise?" Quinn whined as she come out of the next room. "Garen," she acknowledged. "I should've known. You did this same thing last week."

"Quinn, just the woman I wanted to see," Garen remarked as he drew himself closer to Quinn. "Listen Quinn, I need your help," he whispered to the Demacian scout. "Lux has a crush on someone, but she won't tell me who it is. I need to make sure he is man enough to be with my sister."

"Why are you telling me this?" Quinn asked.

"Why? I want you to spy on her. You are a master tracker. You can follow Lux and not get caught. I want you to spend the next week following Lux around the Institute and see if you can find out who her secret crush is and report back to me." Garen was suddenly interrupted as Quinn's partner, her eagle Valor, swooped down and began to peck at Garen. "Ah darn it, Quinn make him stop," he pleaded as Valor continued to harass him.

"Valor, that is enough," Quinn instructed. Valor squawked out in annoyance but flew back onto Quinn's shoulder. She turned to Garen as he recovered from Valor's assault. "Garen, what makes you think I'll listen to your ridiculous request?"

"This is for Demacia?" Garen tried.

Quinn sighed. "If it were really for Demacia, The prince would've told me himself. Look, I have more important things to do. Later." Valor picked her up with his talons and flew away.

Garen cursed aloud. He began to pound on Lux's door again, but there was still no reply. Garen was ready to kick the door down, but Shyvana appeared from across the hall in her dragon form and dragged Garen back to his room. All the pounding had interrupted her beauty sleep and she was upset.

* * *

The next morning...

Garen had a terrible night's sleep. All he could think about was how so many champions were not man enough to fight him face to face. He was also disturbed by the fact that Ezreal had tried asking out Lux and how terrible it would have been if he had succeeded. Lastly, he was concerned about Lux's secret crush. He knew that Ezreal spent a little more time than he needed to around his sister, but aside from that, there wasn't any man Lux spent any suspicious amount of time around. Garen knew from all the times he'd follow Lux around the Institute to make sure she wouldn't get into any trouble. Well, it was settled. Garen would need to accelerate his plans on spreading manliness around the Summoner's Institute. And he had just the idea. He was going to form an exclusive club that only those he deemed worthy could join and spread all of their manliness around. The only question is who he'd invite first. There were plenty of possible candidates. As Garen pondered the many possible champions, he quickly came up with the one man that would help him.

"I'm sorry Garen, but Prince Jarvan is currently in a match," Xin Zhao apologized. "Is it important?"

"Important? Extremely important!" Garen cried out. He began to ramble on about how most of the male champions were not manly and how they were attempting to hit on his sister Lux. Xin Zhao wasn't paying any attention though. Garen usually came running in with some insignificant concern about Demacia or his sister. At this point, everyone would humor the man, but ultimately not listen to a word he was saying. As Garen continued to go on and on, Xin Zhao found that he was getting incredibly annoyed. Finally, he couldn't take it. With one sweep of his spear, Xin Zhao sent Garen sprawling backwards out of the room. He hurried to close and lock the door before Garen to recover and charge back in. Fortunately, he succeeded. Garen was left outside pounding on the door, demanding to be let back in.

After fifteen minutes, Garen gave up. It looked like the weenie head Xin Zhao wasn't going to budge. Garen didn't have any matches for the next three days, so he decided to go the gym and work out some of his frustration. As he arrived, he noticed that there was only one other person currently in the gym. Garen stopped and stared. Pantheon was currently lifting weights off the ground. Garen entered the gym and began some warm-up stretches. While stretching himself out, Garen continued to watch Pantheon. A brilliant idea flashed through his head. He'd get Pantheon to join his club! After all, they didn't call him Mantheon for no reason. Pantheon had chiseled abs, bulging biceps, and sexy man legs that even Garen would commit mass murder to obtain. The Demacian walked over to Pantheon. "Pantheon, how is it going?" he greeted.

"Garen, it is good to see you again! I'm doing great. How is my favorite work-out partner doing?" Pantheon replied back as he shook Garen's hand.

"Terrible!" Garen lamented. "I was beaten around yesterday by that sissy Teemo and then Ezreal tried to ask out my sister on a date."

"Wait, Lux didn't actually agree did she?" Pantheon asked.

"No, my sister is smarter than that," Garen answered. "However, she admitted that she does have feelings for someone here and I'm afraid it could be someone who isn't up to my manly standards."

"Would I qualify?" Pantheon inquired.

Garen glared at the warrior. "You would," he admitted. "But I don't think your Demacian enough for her. Anyway, the real reason I'm here is that I'm actually looking to form a club for manly men such as yourself."

"That actually sounds like a great idea!" Pantheon said. "I'm in! Who else is in the club right now?"

"So far just you and me," Garen replied. "I'm the head of the club."

"You are the head?" Pantheon snorted. Garen gave him a dirty look. "Well, it's just that you get a raging boner every time that Katarina chick shows up. I don't think you are trustworthy enough to be the leader."

"Can you blame me? She is so hot! Besides, I'm not the only one here with a weakness for redheads. What about every time Leona passes by?"

"I have good reason." Pantheon walked over to where he had laid down his shield and spear. He pulled out a Piltoverian tablet from behind his shield and went back to where Garen was waiting. Garen raised his eyebrow as he saw Pantheon's tablet. "A gift from Heimerdinger. He really comes up with some brilliant inventions," Pantheon explained as he turned it on. "Give me a second here," he said as he dabbled with the tablet. "Ah, here we go!" he exclaimed as kissing noises began to play from the tablet.

Garen quickly peeked over Pantheon's shoulder to watch. "Wait... is that Leona... and Diana?"

Pantheon grinned. "Oh yea. I had the Donger install some hidden cameras and microphones in both their rooms."

Garen looked confused. "I though they hated each other?"

"Apparently not." Pantheon said. At this moment, Leona entered the gym. "Hi Pantheon," she warmly greeted her friend. "Garen. What are you two watching?"

"Er...nothing" Pantheon quickly stammered as he rushed to try and turn off the tablet. Unfortunately at this very instant, a loud moan rang out from the tablet. "Oh Diana..." Leona's voice played out.

Leona's face turned red with fury and embarrassment. "How dare you! Pantheon, I thought you were my friend!" she roared as she raised her sword and called down a great solar flare where Pantheon and Garen were standing.

"Wait, let me explain," Pantheon attempted to plead. However, both men could only stand still in fear as they were blasted by the beam of solar energy.

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Please feel free to leave a review!


	2. Chapter 2

Here is the next of Garen's Manly Man Club. First of all, huge thanks to everyone who has followed, favorited, or left a review so far. You guys are the best. Now, I'm still working on finalizing the complete roster of the Manly Man Club. I expecting a final size of about 10-13 members, so there are a few champions I'm on the fence about including or not including.

* * *

"Ugh..." Garen groaned aloud as he groggily woke up. The last thing he remembered was getting beaten into the ground by Leona after she unleashed her solar flare. As he took a moment to get his bearings straight, he noticed Pantheon was lying unconscious on a neighboring bed. Garen recognized the room he was currently in as the Hospital Wing in the Ionian section of the Institute of War.

"Garen, you are awake," Lux happily remarked as she entered the room. "You've been out for three hours. Soraka was beginning to get worried."

"What happened to me?" Garen asked. "I remember getting bashed in the head by Leona's shield and then I blacked out."

"Why would Leona try and take you out?" Lux suspiciously questioned. "I'm good friends with her and this doesn't seem like something she'd do. She is as kind and nurturing as the very sun she represents."

Garen gulped. The last thing he wanted was to let his sister know he was watching an illegally taped naughty video with Pantheon. Before he could response, there was a groan coming from the next bed.

"What happened to me?" moaned Pantheon as he slowly got himself into a sitting position. "Wait, where is the tablet?" He frantically looked around. "Noooooo!" he cried out. "I can't find my baby!"

"Tablet? Baby?" Lux put her hands on her hips. "Garen and Pantheon? Just what were you two doing?"

As Garen continued to try and mentally scramble up an excuse, Pantheon quickly spoke up. "I found this really dirty joke on my tablet and I was sharing it with Garen because we were both at the gym. Leona came by, heard the joke, got super offended and decided to beat us up." Garen quickly nodded as Lux continued to regard the pair suspicously. The tension was broken as Soraka came in to check up of her patients.

"You are both awake," the healer noted as she made her way next to the pair. "I just need to do a quick checkup to make everyone is fully healthy and then you are free to go." She raised her staff over Garen and then over Pantheon. "Looks like both of you are fully healed. Lovely. I was quite worried at first when Braum had brought the two of you into my wing. You were both suffering from massive burns, various cuts and bruises, especially near the groin area and terrible concussions. It took everything I had to heals you guys up."

"Thank you Soraka," Garen said as he got out of bed and started to leave the room. Pantheon thanked the healer as well as he followed Garen out.

"Wait, I'm not done with you yet Garen!" Lux cried as she followed the pair. "You aren't being truthful with me. Tell me why Leona really sent you two to the Hospital Wing?" The duo tried to ignore Lux as they kept walking, but Lux wouldn't give up. She continued to follow them. "Tell me!" she yelled again. "You know I'll just ask Leona later anyway."

Garen turn around to regard his younger sister. "Lux, there are just some things I just can't tell you. Likewise, there are just some things you won't tell me. It's not like I've been following you around and begging you to tell me who your secret crush is."

"Actually, you have," retorted Lux. "You spent a good portion of yesterday banging on my door and demanding to know who it is."

"Well, I need to know these things because I am our older brother. I need to protect you and make sure you won't get hurt. I'm a real man and that is what a real man does. Just tell me who your crush is and I'll tell you what happened between me, Pantheon and Leona at the gym."

"Wait a second, did both of you try hitting on Leona at the same time and then after you wouldn't stop, she got angry and beat the shit out of the two of you?" Lux sighed. "Garen..."

"Er...that is exactly what happened," Pantheon replied. "Now then, tell me who you have a crush on. If this fellow breaks your heart, Garen and I will break their legs!" He gave a wink to Garen who winked back.

Lux blushed. "I-I-I-I'm not going to tell either of you," she stammered as she quickly hurried away.

"It's totally me." Pantheon grinned. "Did you see how she had to run away after checking out my man thighs?"

"I think she was just embarrassed," Garen noted. "I was thinking, we should invite Braum to the Manly Man Club. There are many a tale about his manly deeds and he has a killer moustache. Besides, what better way to thank him for saving our lives then to give him exclusive membership into our club?"

"That is a good plan Garen, but there something else I need to do first. I need to go to Heimerdinger's and get another tablet. I'm pretty sure Leona destroyed the one I had. I was also thinking we could invite the Donger into the Manly Man Club."

Garen stopped. "A yordle? In the Manly Man Club?" Garen began laughing. "Those two are complete opposites of each other. How could you came up with an idea so idiotic? I'm beginning to think you don't have what it takes to be in my club."

"Wait hear me out," Pantheon began. "Heimerdinger can provide us with all sorts of technological gadgets. He could put secret cameras in the ladies shower and then you can spy on Katarina without her being the wiser."

"That is tempting," admitted Garen. "But he is still a yordle."

"Well, we will need a yordle in the club. You know how annoying the Yordle Union gets when a club forms without yordle membership?" Pantheon countered. "They'll force us to include a yordle whether we like it or not. We might as well take the initiative and select the best yordle candidate before their union forces one on us."

"Alright, but is Heimerdinger really the best yordle? He is a nerd. What about Corki? He has a big package."

"But, he is the Donger! I also really want my tablet again. Can't we just invite Heimerdinger? Please." Pantheon got on his knees. "I'm begging you. I know Heimerdinger will be man enough for the club."

"Well, you must be serious if you are getting on your knees." Garen helped Pantheon back up. "Fine, let's see if the Donger wants to join."

* * *

"You two idiots are the last people I want to see at this moment." Heimerdinger attempted to shut the door, but Garen and Pantheon forced it open. "I must protest this intrusion! I have two strikes now thanks to you two nimrods. One more and all of my technological masterpieces will be temporarily confiscated."

"Two strikes?" Garen questioned. "They gave you a strike for each of us?"

"No not quite. This is the second incident in the last month in which my technology has been traced as the cause." Heimerdinger walked up next to Pantheon and smacked him with a wrench. Pantheon yelped in pain as Heimerdinger continued to speak. "I thought you told me the cameras and microphones were to be installed in order to monitor Leona. Why on earth would you record a sex tape?" he stared at Pantheon accusingly.

"Girl-on-girl is hot! I regret nothing!" declared Pantheon.

"Well, do you know just how inconvenient this whole debacle has been? This morning, I was working on my prototype H-42O Blaze It Turret when Vi comes barging through my door. Next thing I know the pink haired brute has me pinned against the wall and begins interrogating me. Luckily Caitlyn was close by and stopped her partner from causing too much damage. I managed to convince them that I had installed the cameras for Leona's protection and not for any sleazy purposes, but I was still given my second strike. Not only that, I had to spend the entire morning removing everything from all the rooms. I could've been working on my prototype turret instead."

"That is unfortunate." Pantheon gave Heimerdinger a pat on the shoulder. "So, Leona kind of destroyed the tablet you gave me. Could you give me another on?"

The yordle inventor threw up his hands in anger. "You are insane. After what has just happened, I'm not giving you anything. You have nearly ruined my reputation. Get out of my room!"

"Wait please," Pantheon begged. "I'll let you join the Manly Man Club Garen and I have just created."

"Manly Man Club," a new voice pitched in. "Sounds like fun. Can I join?"

Garen and Pantheon turned to regard the newcomer. "Jayce," Pantheon said.

"Jayce!" screeched Heimerdinger. "You aren't allowed here either! I don't want to be associated with any of you guys and I'm sure as hell not joining any club you've created. I want you three out of here!" Heimerdinger deployed his new H-42O Blaze It Turret, which began to charge up.

"You wouldn't..." Jayce began to say.

"Yes I would," Heimerdinger cut him off. He looked at Jayce. "You are the reason I got my first strike. I can't believe you used my newly patented spydrone to peep on the sheriff while she was using the toilet. Not only that, you somehow got caught on the first day!" He condescendingly shook his head at Jayce who could only turn his head away in shame. "And you two!" Heimerdinger now turned to Garen and Pantheon. "Well, I'm going to enjoy this." His new prototype turret started to beep. "Here it comes. Due give my apologies to Soraka. Fire!" The turret didn't fire. Heimerdinger stared at his new turret. "What is going on? I could've sworn I worked out the flaws in the earlier design." The turret began to beep again and suddenly exploded in Heimerdinger's face. "Fuck!" he exclaimed.

"I don't think he is interested in our club," Garen muttered to Pantheon as Heimerdinger began to frantically run around his new turret. "We better leave."

"I didn't get my new tablet," Pantheon sobbed as he followed Garen out of Heimerdinger's room.

"Wait a moment." Jayce had followed the pair out of the room. "You guys never said whether or not I could join the Manly Man Club."

Garen and Pantheon both began to circle around Jayce. Jayce held his breath. After thirty seconds of inspecting Jayce, both fighters came to the same conclusion. "No," they said at the same time.

"No?" Jayce began to cry. "Why not?"

"You just don't have the right stuff," Garen said.

"What do you mean? What am I missing? I'm quite the ladies man. Have you seen me in my debonair skin? That gets me dates all the time."

"If you are such a ladies man, can you explain why you've never had a date with Caitlyn? You've had so much time to make a move, but you have never succeeded. " Pantheon was having none of it.

"Well, it's not my fault Vi was able to sweep the sheriff off her feet the first time they met. Besides, I'm not the only one here who hasn't been able to get a date. What about Leona?" Jayce asked accusingly. "Based off the events of this morning, it seems like she is in a relationship with Diana. You haven't been able to get a date with Leona either and you are in Garen's Manly Man Club."

"Pantheon has the sexiest man legs I have ever seen," Garen answered. "That is why he is in the club."

"Well, what makes you qualified to create a Manly Man Club?" Jayce yelled. "You've been running around getting boners every time Katarina passes by and you haven't done anything about it."

"It is called forbidden love, a fatal attraction. It is all part of the foreplay. Besides, can you do this?" Garen dropped down and began to do one finger push-ups. Jayce's jaw dropped as he watched Garen continue to go up and down. After he had done about fifty, Garen popped back up. "I'd like to see you do that," he bragged.

"Maybe I'm not able to do that," Jayce admitted. "But just because you are some sort of super muscle freak doesn't necessarily mean I am not qualified to be in your club. Please, just give me a chance."

"I would've given you a chance if it weren't for your fighting style."

"What is wrong with how I fight?" Jayce whipped out his Mercury Hammer. "Look how big and thick my hammer is."

"You do have an impressive hammer," Pantheon observed. "However, you also convert it into your sissy cannon half of the time."

"The Mercury Cannon aspect helps me when I have to poke down my lane opponent before I go in like a man," Jayce argued. "It is a necessary part of my kit."

"There is your problem. A true man would charge in with your Mercury Hammer all of the time," Garen stated. "If you spent the time working on making your hammer a super hammer instead of a makeshift cannon, you'd be a real man and maybe you could actually get a girlfriend."

Jayce began to sob. "You are right," he blubbered. "I'm not a real man. I even lied about the debonair costume. Vi wears it a lot better than I ever could. Maybe that is why she is sleeping with Caitlyn instead of me. Heimerdinger doesn't want to work with me anymore after the bathroom incident. Not only that, Viktor destroyed me in lane the other day. I can't do anything right." Jayce continued to cy as Garen and Pantheon looked on. "I try to act all manly and macho, but I'm just a big loser."

"This is the ultimate reason why Jayce can't join," Garen whispered to Pantheon. "He is crying like a little girl."

"True, but I kind of feel bad for him. Just look at him." Garen turned to look at Jayce who was now curled up into a ball. "Maybe we should invite him."

"He'll ruin our whole image," Garen quietly argued. "Nobody will take us seriously if they see Jayce with us."

"Jayce could be like our protege, our pet project," Pantheon argued back. "Imagine what it would be like if we can turn Jayce into a manly man just like us. We'll be unstoppable. It'll show even the lowest of men still has the potential to become a manly man."

Garen thought about it long and hard. Finally he nodded. "Very well. You will take full responsibility of Jayce though. Whenever he screws up, it'll be on you as well."

"Don't worry. I'll make a man out of Jayce." Pantheon bent down next to Jayce. "After second thought, we have decided to invite you into the Manly Man Club after all."

Jayce's eyes light up. "Are you serious? Thank you so much!" He leapt up into the air and gave Pantheon a big hug. As Jayce went over to do the same to Garen, Garen held his hand up to stop him. "Lesson one, a manly man gives a hug only in the event of something truly mantastic. Write it down." As Jayce hurried to pull out a piece of paper and write down what Garen had said, Garen looked back at Pantheon. "He has a long way to go..."

* * *

Funny story, this was actually originally written so that Heimerdinger was going to join the club, but I changed it halfway through.


	3. Chapter 3

Here is another chapter of Garen's Manly Man Club. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Garen took a large bite out of his steak. It was now dinnertime and he was currently sitting with Pantheon and Jayce. Usually he would be sitting with Lux during dinner and interrogating her on how her day went, but she was still in a match on the Rift. In the meantime, Garen was busy filling in Jayce on the recent events which convinced him to create the Manly Man Club. As the newest member of the club, Jayce needed to be caught up to date as soon as possible. Garen had told Jayce about his miserable experience with Teemo and sissy laners in general, as well as the wuss Ezreal having the audacity to try and ask Lux out on a date. He was now in the middle of a long speech about how very few champions in the League were manly enough to date Lux and questioning Lux's secret crush. Jayce was barely able to stifle a yawn. Garen was honestly as boring as he looked. He looked over to Pantheon, who had already dozed off. Thankfully, Jayce was nearly done eating. Now he just needed a convenient excuse to get away. He did want to become a manly man like Pantheon, but there was only so much Garen he could take at a time.

Luckily, distraction came in the form of Lux, who snuck behind Garen and put her hands over his eyes. "I'm here!" she happily exclaimed.

Garen took his sister's hands off his eyes. "I take it from your attitude that you won the game."

Lux nodded. "Yep, it took longer than I would've liked though. Ezreal and Taric were stomped by Lucian and Braum. Our jungler, Master Yi spent a majority of the match farming. I was able to hold a slight advantage with Katarina, but Ri-."

"Katarina?" Garen interrupted. "Did she say anything about me? I walked by her the other day with my new cologne. Did she notice it?" Lux shook her head and started to continue her story, but was interrupted by Garen yet again. "Well, did you say anything about me to her? Did you tell her how buff I am? Or mention just how stunningly good looking I am?"

"No," Lux curtly replied. "The last time I mentioned your name to her, she went on a rampage. Long story short, we won despite having a feeding botlane and a near nonexistent jungler."

"Well, alright then." Garen was a little disappointed. "Are you hungry? Come, sit down and join us."

"I ate before my match. Listen, there is actually something I need to ask you. Could we do this in private?"

"Very well." Garen got up from the table. "Jayce, Pantheon. Pantheon?" Pantheon was still sleeping. Jayce quickly tapped Pantheon in the rib, waking the warrior up. "Don't chop off my balls!" he squealed as he woke up. Everyone stared as Pantheon's face began to redden. "Er... I just woke up from a bad dream..."

"Ok..." Garen wanted no details. "So is everyone good for meeting up at the gym at 10 in the morning tomorrow?" Pantheon and Jayce nodded. "I'll see you then. I have some brother-sister business to attend to. A manly man is a family man." He followed Lux out of the cafeteria as the three men exchanged good-byes.

"What is wrong Lux?" Garen questioned as Lux quickly closed the door of her room and locked it. "Has another unsavory character attempted to hit on you? I will crush him in the name on Demacia!"

"Don't be silly brother. I want to ask for your permission to hold a slumber party tomorrow. It'll just be me and a few of the girls in the Institute."

"No," Garen firmly turned down. "You will not be having a slumber party. Not on my watch."

"Why not?" Lux whined. "You never let me do anything fun."

"No." Garen was unmoved. "I won't allow it. There is so much that can go wrong. What if someone decides to barge in on your party? Maybe Teemo decides to sneak into your room, plants his mushrooms all around your room, hides using his invisibility, and then tapes the entire incident as you and your guests fall into the shrooms."

"Oh come on, Teemo isn't that evil. Besides, if someone comes in, I'll just shoot my laser at them. It is at more lethal outside of the Rift. Come on, why can't I just have a little fun for once in my life?"

Garen sighed. "We are champions representing Demacia. There are some sacrifices we have to make. There are just some things we can't do. You having a slumber party is just one of them. How would we look if the citizens of Demacia found out one of their champions is a party girl? We'll look silly and then Noxus will use this as propaganda. You don't see me running around having a sausage fest."

"What about dinner? You were hanging out Pantheon and Jayce," Lux accused.

"That was business. For Demacia," Garen justified.

Please." Lux put on her best kitty face. "I just want one night with the girls. This'll mean so much to me."

Garen cracked. Lux's kitty face always seemed to work. "Very well," he relented. "But, we need to make some ground rules. Rule #1, No Noxians."

"What about Riven?" Lux asked. "She's nice and I think some social interaction would be good for her. She is always so lonely."

"NOOOOOO! It is all a trap!" Garen yelled. He leapt up from his chair. "She is luring you into a false sense of security. In fact, I am willing to bet that when you try to ask Riven to your slumber party, you'll be ambushed by a battalion of Noxians. You'll try to run away, but due to Riven's ridiculous mobility, she'll easily capture you. Riven will use you as bait to draw me out to a one on one duel. I accept of course and being a juggernaut, I easily overpower her. However, just as I am about to deal the finishing blow and rescue you, I get stabbed in the back by Katarina. I get taken prisoner and Riven uses this to return to Noxus and gets promoted to Grand General."

"Garen, you are being ridiculous. Riven would never do something like that."

"She is a dirty Noxian. I wouldn't put it past her. Now, continuing on." Garen took a moment to think to himself. "Ah, yes Rule #2, No perverts," declared Garen. "That means no Ahri, no Zyra, no whatever the new chick's name is. I still don't know who she is. The last thing I want to see is my little sister's innocent slumber party becoming an orgy. No, that will not happen .My sister will not be defiled! " Garen pounded his fist.

"Garen, I was never going to invite Ahri anyway," Lux said. "But what is wrong with Zyra and Illaoi?"

"Illaoi, that is her name! I always forgot that." Garen took a quick breath. "Have you seen Zyra's plants and Illaoi's tentacles? I don't know about you, but I've seen enough hent-"

"Garen," Lux admonished. "Don't be silly. And do you really watch that disgusting smut? For shame."

"It could happen," Garen quickly said. "I don't want to take that risk. This brings us to Rule #3, No crazies. That means no one from the Shadow Isles, no Jinx, no Vi, no."

"What is wrong with Vi?" Lux asked. "Sure she is rough around the edges, but she means well. Besides, I don't think I can invite Caitlyn and not invite Vi."

"Who said you could invite Caitlyn?" Garen challenged. "She is uptight, snobbish and a pain in the butt. Not only that, her so called Yordle Snap Trap also works on humans, so she is also a dirty liar. No Caitlyn."

"No wonder Janna called you the biggest weenie in the Institute," Lux muttered under her breath.

"Moving on, Rule #4..." Garen continued. Lux groaned. This was going to take a while. As Garen droned on and on, Lux decided to quickly agree with whatever ridiculous rules Garen wanted. The quicker they finished up, the quicker Lux could begin inviting everyone and plan her sleepover. Besides, as long as he had her fingers crossed every time she agreed with Garen, that meant she could do whatever she wanted.

"...And finally Rule #34, no yordles," Garen finished. An hour later, and he was finally finished. "Wait a second, I forgot Rules #35, no alcohol. And Rule #36, no Noxians."

"You already said the yordle and alcohol rule twice," Lux complained. "And you've said no Noxians six times."

"I need to stress those rules," Garen insisted. "I'm done now, any questions?"

"Nope, we are all good," Lux began to push Garen out of her room. "Thanks brother. I'm glad we were able to get this done in private. Imagine if we had told either Pantheon or Jayce. Those two perverts would probably try to do something funny."

"Don't worry, I won't tell them," Garen reassured.

* * *

Garen hurried to the gym. He needed to tell Pantheon and Jayce about Lux's sleepover. Although Lux had told him not to tell them, Garen did not trust his sister alone with a bunch of strangers. He needed some advice. He didn't want his sister to get hurt. Garen charged forth. He didn't have a lot of time. In a few hours, Lux would be gathering everyone into her room for her sleepover. Garen arrived at the gym and barged through the door.

"Do another set you pansy," Pantheon screamed at Jayce, who whimpered as he struggled to lift the weight. "I was able to this since I was wearing diapers. How are you struggling? You still have to work on your legs after this!"

"Men, there is an emergency!" Garen called out. "My sister is having an all girls slumber party, but my big brother senses are tingling. I'm afraid something bad is about to happen to her and I need your help."

"An all girl slumber party?" Pantheon asked. "Jayce, you can stop." he ordered as the Piltoverian dropped the weight and sighed with relief. "You know what this means? Naked pillow fights!" he roared.

"Garen smacked the warrior upside his helmet. "Pantheon, that is my sister you are talking about. Besides, she would ever do something so unseemly. Can one of you please give me some actual advice?"

Jayce stroked his chin. "This may work out for us. We could put in some hidden cameras and microphones to monitor her room and make sure nothing happens to her. Not only that, we may be able to figure out Lux's secret crush."

"We would?" Garen asked. "How do you figure that?"

"Simple," Jayce explained. "At these types of parties, girls always play truth or dare. We just need to find a way to get someone to ask Lux who she has feelings for when she says truth. She'll be forced to tell everyone in the room the truth and we'll be able to listen in because of our hidden microphone. Afterwards, we can pay the bloke a visit and rough him up a little."

"That is a very good idea!" Garen gave Jayce a high five. "It looks like Pantheon has already started your training. Keep up with the good work and you'll surely earn your stay in my club. The only problem now is that I don't know who exactly Lux will be inviting. How will we get one of the ladies to ask her the question?"

"Don't worry. I got you covered. I'll infiltrate the sleepover as the newest champion, Jaycina!" Garen and Pantheon stared at Jayce in disbelief. "What? Back in the day before Vi joined the force, I had to help Caitlyn infiltrate a ladies strip club. I put on a wig and a lovely dress and was able to take down the secret drug gang that was using the club as a base of operations. Going to Lux's sleepover will be a cinch compared to that. What do you think guys?" Jayce smiled. He was going to prove his worth to Garen and Pantheon.

"Remember the compliments I gave you ten seconds ago?" Garen asked. Jayce nodded enthusiastically. "I take them all back." Jayce's face fell. "What kind of man cross dresses? Certainly not the type of manly man I want in my club! I want you to get down on the ground and give me twenty push-ups right now as punishment." Jayce grumbled to himself about just throwing an idea out there, but positioned himself on the ground and began his punishment. "Now, I do like the idea of tapping her room."

"I concur," Pantheon spoke up. "We'd be able to tabs on your sister the entire time. We could camp out in my room and watch as she strips down and engages in a naked pillow fight with a few of the other girls. Mmmmmm." Pantheon licked his lips. Garen smacked Pantheon on the helemt again. "Ouch. Even though this helmet protects my head, those hits do still hurt."

"Pantheon, stop imagining my sister in such an ugly manner," Garen scolded. "Now, back to business. The good thing is Lux will be away from her room until the evening. That gives us enough time to bug Lux's room. The question is now how? We can't ask Heimerdinger. He hates us enough as it is. Jayce, would you be able to do this?"

Jayce got up from doing his push-ups and shook his head. "No, I wouldn't be able to."

"We will ask Heimerdinger," Pantheon interjected. "I have something that will convince him to install what we need in Lux's room. Not only that, I'll get myself a new tablet and a new member into our club. I'll be back." Pantheon stood still for two seconds and then leapt into the air.

Pantheon arrived in front of Heimerdinger's door with a grand entrance. He knocked on the door until the yordle inventor opened the door. "Hello Heimer, I know we didn't leave on the best of terms, but please hear me out," Pantheon said.

"Ok, make it quick," Heimerdinger let Pantheon into his lab. "I'm about to test my newest invention."

"Very well, Lux will be having a sleepover tonight with some of her friends. Garen and I need you to install some cameras and microphones in her room today to make sure nothing fishy happens to her."

"Really?" Heimerdinger raised his eyebrow. "Are you sure you don't want another excuse to spy on the ladies when they are vulnerable?" Pantheon quickly shook his head. "I don't know, I already have two strikes, I don't think I can risk a third." Heimerdinger suddenly pointed outside the window. "Hey look, Leona and Diana are making out!" Pantheon quickly turned to where the Donger was pointing, but there was nothing there. As Pantheon turned back around, Heimerdinger was looking at him smugly. "I knew it. You haven't changed."

"Oh yea? I got something that would change your mind." Pantheon reached behind his back and pulled out a magazine which he showed to Heimerdinger. "The latest edition of _Yordle Babes Monthly_ , which can be yours if you just install what I want."

Heimerdinger began to laugh. " _Yordle Babes Monthly_? I don't need that junk." The yordle pulled out a tablet from his pocket and typed in some words. He then showed the tablet screen to Pantheon. "You see this? The Institute gives me a free subscription to _YordleonYordle_ and _HornyYordles_ . I don't need your dirty magazine. Later loser." Heimerdinger threw a grenade at Pantheon who was blown away by the explosion.

"Ok, that failed," Pantheon admitted as he landed back next to Garen and Jayce. "The dirty magazine didn't work."

"Don't worry," Garen replied. "I have another idea. We'll need to visit Prince Jarvan. He is quite the manly man. Hopefully, he'll help us."

* * *

There will be more manly men joining next chapter. Also, I hope none of the yordle things really exist. I'm not brave enough to check.


	4. Chapter 4

Here is the next chapter. More Manly Men have joined the Club!

* * *

Garen took a deep breath before knocking on the door. The last time he had tried to visit Prince Jarvan, he was rudely swept away by Xin Zhao. This time the door was opened by the prince himself. "Garen," Jarvan greeted. "How can I help today?"

"My prince," Garen greeted back as he gave a quick bow to his prince. He quickly motioned for Pantheon and Jayce to do the same, which they did after a short moment's pause. "Listen, there is some important business I need to discuss with you. Can we come in?"

"Of course." The trio followed Jarvan into his room. Jarvan motioned for the men to take a seat as he sat down on his throne. "Now, I must say I'm a little surprised to see Pantheon and Jayce here. Any reason they are here as well?"

"We have formed a club for manly champions such as myself," Garen responded. "There are too many men here who just don't have the right stuff. As such, we are here to spread the manliness around the League."

"I see." Jarvan stroked his chin. "Why wasn't I the first man you invited to your club?" Jarvan got up from his throne and stared down Garen. "Are you forgetting who pays you your salary Garen? I can easily cut your pay by half for this act of treason!" The prince walked closer to Garen. "Not only that, you recruited Jayce, but not me? Jayce is a cream puff compared to me! If you seriously invited Jayce before me, I question the validity of your club."

"To answer your questions, Jayce is Pantheon's protege," Garen replied. "Pantheon is teaching Jayce how to become a manly man. If we can turn someone like Jayce into a man, imagine how large our club would grow!"

"Hmmmmm..." Jarvan processed what Garen had said. "Very true. However, I am still disappointed that I wasn't the first man you approached for the club. I am your prince! What does Pantheon have that I don't?"

"Sexy man legs!" Garen shouted. Jarvan stared at Pantheon's legs and conceded his point. "But, you were the first one I tried to ask. It is just that you were on Summoner's Rift at the time. I tried to tell Xin Zhao about my club, but he just knocked me out of your room and then locked the door. I had no way of telling you."

"Did Xin Zhao really do that?" Garen nodded. Jarvan bellowed out, "Xin Zhao, get your butt over here!" The Seneschal of Demacia quickly entered Jarvan's room. "Xin Zhao, I just got the most disturbing news," Jarvan began. "Garen has informed me that he was attempting to create a Manly Man Club. He told me that he came to my room yesterday morning in order to invite me to the club. However, I never got the invite. You were in my room and are suppose to take all messages for me. Care to explain why I didn't know about my invitation until just now?"

Xin Zhao bowed down. "My prince, I had no idea that Garen wanted to invite you to his Manly Man Club. I was under the assumption that he was spouting his usual Demacian nonsense. Remember when the Institute was holding a pool party and Garen wanted all of us to wear Demacian colored speedos? Or the time we wanted to have a Snowdown Party, but Garen insisted that we could only drink Demacian beer? Or the time Garen wanted to host a talent show to see who was best suited for his sister? Or the time Garen wanted us to all wake up at 3 in the morning to practice singing the Demacian anthem? Besides, I don't see the appeal in a Manly Man Club. I think it would be a ridiculous waste of time."

Jarvan slapped Xin Zhao across the face. "Perhaps for a man such as yourself, a Manly Man Club would be a waste of time. However, for someone who is the pinnacle of manliness like myself, this is a golden opportunity. Xin Zhao, I want you to go back to your room and reflect on your actions. I'll deal out your punishment spankings at a later time." Jarvan waited for Xin Zhao to leave his room. "Now that he is out of the way. Let's talk business. Jarvan went back to his throne. "There has indeed been a disturbing amount of unmanliness in the Institute. Just yesterday I was matched up in the top lane against Graves. I was getting tired of his ranged harass and decided to go in and fight like a man. I trapped him within my cataclysm, intent on fighting him face to face with no distractions. Unfortunately, I did not take into account his dash. He dashed out my circle, leaving me all alone looking like an idiot. I thought Graves with his beard would be man enough to fight me, but ever since the Institute banned his cigar, his manliness must've gone with it."

Garen nodded. "I can sympathize. Just the other day I had to fight Teemo. Utterly disgraceful. He'd never fight me. It got worse though. Right after the match, I got back and found that pretty boy Ezreal trying to ask out my sister." Jarvan gasped. "Don't worry, Lux was smart enough to reject that loser. I did learn that she did have a secret crush though. I'm scared to think who it may be though."

Pantheon laughed. "For the last time, her crush is totally on me. Just look at my legs." Pantheon began to strut his legs. "This is what happens when you never miss leg day."

"Quite. However, love can be fickle. We can't be sure unless Lux tells us herself." Jarvan sighed. "The Crownguard family is quite vital to Demacia. If Garen and his father were to perish, the head of the Crownguard family would fall to whomever married Lux. The last thing I want to see is someone like Draven coming into my throne room and yelling his name like he just had an orgasm."

Garen paled. "My prince, surely my sister wouldn't be foolish enough to fall for someone like Draven? No never! I will find out who it is and if I do not approve of him, I will destroy him for Demacia. Lux is having a slumber party tonight and she may spill the beans during the party. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing. Heimerdinger won't bug her room and Jayce isn't able to."

"To be fair, I was the one who came up with the idea," Jayce defended himself. "Besides, the offer to dress up as Jaycina is still on the table."

"For the last time, a member of my Manly Man Club is not dressing up as a woman," Garen grunted through gritted teeth. He turned to Jarvan. "Do you have any ideas?

"Of course. I'm not the prince of Demacia for a reason. Quinn!" Jarvan cried out. Quinn came flying into the room on Valor. "Quinn, are you going to Lux's slumber party tonight?"

"Yes," Quinn hesitantly revealed. "How did you know about it?" She then noticed Garen in the room. "Of course, Garen must've told you. Looks like you really are a huge weenie."

"Quinn, I have a job for you," Jarvan announced. "I want you to go to Lux's slumber party tonight and find out who her secret crush is. I'm aware that you girls tend to play truth or dare. Ask Lux about her crush if you have a chance. Also, make sure no harm comes to Lux. This is for Demacia!"

"Are you serious?" Quinn asked. "I thought Garen was kidding around the other day about having me follow Lux around for Demacia. I can't possibly do this! I just wanted to go and have some fun. Maybe get a little drunk."

"Quinn, you do this for me or else I won't give you the money you need to buy Valor's favorite fruity pebbles." Valor began to squawk in anger. "That's right Valor, your partner better accept my request.

Valor gazed at Quinn. "Ok, I'll do it," Quinn gave in. She flew away with Valor.

"That is how it's done boys," Jarvan boasted. "Now that we have figured out that little problem. What is the next step for our club? We need to find more members for the Manly Man Club. We barely have enough people to host an Amumu surprise party."

"Yes!" Garen concurred. "The more the merrier. I was going to invite Braum into the Manly Man Club. Pantheon and I still owe him for bringing us to Soraka after Leona nearly killed us. Since we have Lux's situation under control, we can pay a visit to Braum."

"Very good, give my regards to Braum," Pantheon turned to leave.

"You aren't coming with us?" Garen asked.

"We have spent too much time here, I need to go back to the gym. I can't skip out on my legs." Pantheon prepared his manjump. "Jayce, you are coming with me as well." Pantheon leapt to the gym. Jayce groaned, but set up an acceleration gate as he quickly went to follow Pantheon.

"I guess we should take advantage of the gate while it still stands." Garen and Jarvan charged through the acceleration gate, feeling a sudden rush of speed as they set off to look for Braum.

* * *

"Braum is on the job." The Heart of the Freljord had been simple enough to locate. If he wasn't in the Poro Room playing with the poros, then he could only be at Gragas' Bar. Braum chugged down another mug of beer. "I'd love to be part of the Manly Man Club."

Garen and Jarvan gave each other a fist bump. They now had five members in the club, which meant that they could now all group up and form a team for Summoner's Rift. As both fighters took a drink, Jarvan asked Braum the question that had been on his mind for the longest time. "How do you grow out such a manly mustache?" Jarvan blurted out. As Braum looked at him questioningly, Jarvan continued on. "Well, I've been trying to grow out a mustache for the longest time, but I always end up with barely a fuzz. Shyvana has been hinting that she wants to see me with some facial hair, but I just can't seem to grow any out. Can you please tell me your secret? I just really want to impress Shyvana."

"There is no secret," Braum said. "I've had a mustache since I was but a little boy. Maybe it was all the milk I drank when I was young?" Braum gave Jarvan a pat on the shoulder. If you truly are a manly man, you won't need to worry. A mustache alone doesn't make a man." Braum's speech was interrupted as Gragas came walking by their table. "Ah Gragas, another round! I've been invited to the Manly Man Club!"

Gragas poured each champion another drink straight from his barrel, except for Garen, who insisted on having another Demacian beer. As Gragas came back with Garen's beer, he asked, "Manly Man Club? Can I join as well?"

"No," Garen quickly replied. "Your lack of hygiene is incredibly off-putting. You are really fat, smell awful and no amount of facial hair will get you into my club!"

"Who are you calling fat? I'm big boned!" Gragas surged forward and body slammed Garen, knocking him down. "Take that!"

As Garen got back up, he was livid. He wasn't going to sit there and take the hit. He was going to retaliate! He charged back towards Gragas and leapt on top of the man. The two champions began to wrestle with each other. Jarvan and Braum jumped in to try and stop the fight. As the two tried to get Garen off of Gragas, Garen put his hands around Gragas' neck and began to choke him. "Don't you ever smack me with your tummy ever again!" Garen roared as he started to apply pressure.

At last Jarvan and Braum got Garen off of Grgas. "Garen, don't kill the man!" Jarvan ordered. "I don't want another incident on your head. I'm the one who has to pay every time you do something like this. Not only that, Gragas is the one who provides most of the alcohol. If Gragas is gone, then we'd have to get our drinks from Singed. I don't want that. Singed is mad and probably puts poison in all of his drinks for testing. I don't want that!"

"I got it," Gragas rasped as he recovered from Garen's chokehold. "How about this, if I join the club, I give you twenty percent discount on all my drinks!"

"Don't think it'll be that easy, you can't bribe..." Garen began to say, but was swiftly interrupted by Jarvan. "You are in," Jarvan declared. Garen looked at Jarvan. "What are you doing?" he whispered. "We can't be swayed so easily. Besides, Demacian beer is already so cheap. Twenty percent off isn't really that much."

"Demacian beer? That is the cheap crap. Even Noxian alcohol tastes better." As Garen stood speechless, Jarvan wasn't finished. "What about the good stuff? What about the ultimate ale? If we can get twenty percent off, that would be totally worth it! Gragas you are in."

"Since when did I appoint you leader of the Manly Man Club?" Garen shot back. "I'm the leader. My vote counts more. Besides, you are the prince of Demacia. What happens if the citizens find out you sold out your values for twenty percent off beer? You'd be a laughing stock!"

"First of all, my people would be proud to see that their prince has gotten discount alcohol. Secondly, Braum would also agree to discount beer as well wouldn't he?" Braum nodded in the background. "See, you are outvoted two to one."

"Wait, there is still Pantheon and Jayce. They'll be on my side. I'll be right back." Garen bolted out of the bar and headed towards the gym. Ten minutes later, he came back with Pantheon and Jayce. "Gragas wants to join our club in exchange for twenty percent off of all of his drinks? What do you think?" Garen asked.

"Sounds good!" Pantheon expressed. Jayce nodded in agreement. "I could really use a drink," he continued. "Gragas, could I get a Mt. Targon Brewski?" Gragas gave Pantheon his drink.

"I can't believe you guys!" Garen was outraged. "You are really all selling out for cheaper drinks? Demacian beer which happens to be not only the best beer, but the least expensive one as well is good enough as it. We don't need to sell out and invite this fatty to our club."

"Demacian beer is asswater," Pantheon exclaimed. Everyone nodded. "There is a reason why it is so cheap. No one wants to drink that junk."

"Oh yea? Why is it the only drink that Gragas has ever run out of?" Garen inquired.

"Funny story about that, it was all Kog'maw," Gragas revealed. "The poor creature always wanders into my bar looking for something to eat. I don't want to be rude and I don't want him to eat me, so I had to give him something to drink. Demacian beer is cheap and the least popular drink I sell, so I let Kog'maw drink it all. I then charge it all to Malzahar. I could've been a huge dick and gave Kog'maw the most expensive stuff to really screw over Malzahar, but I don't want to waste the good stuff on something who can't appreciate the taste. Besides, Malzahar is pretty mean and I don't want to anger him."

"Garen, you have been outvoted 4 to 1," Jarvan brought up. "I think you should let Gragas join us. Everyone else wants him here. Don't be a big weenie."

Garen took a deep breath. "Alright, I accept. Gragas welcome to the Manly Man Club," he extended his hand for the drunk to shake. "Let's all have a celebratory drink. We'll have our first official meeting tomorrow morning in Jarvan's room." Gragas filled everyone's mug with his ultimate ale. "To the Manly Man Club!" everyone shouted as they clashed their mugs together.


	5. Chapter 5

I couldn't think of anything creative for April Fool's Day, so here is another chapter of Garen's Manly Man Club instead. Please enjoy!

* * *

"Ok, maybe it isn't the best idea to have a meeting the next morning after a night of drinking," Garen slowly mumbled. They were all seated in one of Jarvan's spare rooms. Being the Prince of Demacia, Jarvan had special quarters which were much larger than those of standard champions. As such, he had spare rooms, one of which was currently used for the Manly Man Club meeting. Garen, along with every member of the Manly Man Club had a hangover. Well, except for Gragas. Gragas drank so much that at this point he was almost always drunk, so he never had time for a hangover. "Seeing as we are a new club, we will need some funding. We need an activity to announce our presence in the Institute and make some money for our club."

"Since Jarvan is here, can't he fund everything? He is the prince after all," Jayce mentioned.

"I do have plenty of money," Jarvan responded. "But, I can't spend it all on non Demacia-related activities. We will need to host an event in order to bring in the cash. Does anyone have any ideas?"

"We could have arm-wrestle contest!" Braum brought up. "We can show how strong and macho we are!"

"We could do that, but I'm not sure how we are going to make any money out of it," Garen said. "I don't think anyone will go crazy over watching guys arm wrestle. We need something a little more exciting."

"What about a bathing suit contest?" Jayce inquired. "That would definitely be exciting."

Garen thought about it. All he could picture was Katarina in a bikini. Luckily, they were all seated around a table, so no one could see the big bulge in his pants. "That is a brilliant idea Jayce! How will we get the girls to participate and dress up?"

"Girls? I was talking about ourselves." Jayce stood up. "We will all dress up in speedos and pose in sexy fashion. We then hold an auction and sell each other off for money. Who is with me? Jayce asked excitedly.

Everyone could only look at Jayce in stunned silence. "Jayce, we are not partaking in gigolo work," Garen finally said. "Just get on the floor and start your push-ups." Jayce grumbled to himself, but got down on the floor and began his push-ups. "Now, the bathing suit idea is good, but we are not selling ourselves for money. We will instead get some of the female champs to wear some nice swimwear and have a swimsuit contest. We will charge champs in order to watch the contest."

"I don't see how we will be able to convince any of the champions to participate," Gragas admitted. "Maybe if I offered some free alcohol..."

"Half-naked girls? Free alcohol? I don't see how this is going to fail." Pantheon liked where this was going.

"I'll get our first contestant. Watch this. Honey!" Jarvan yelled out. Shyvana entered in from the kitchen. "Darling, we are planning a swimsuit contest. How would you-"

"No," Shyvana flatly stated. "I want no part in this."

" But what if we offered free alcohol?" Jarvan tried.

"No. Besides doesn't this violate the Annie Rules? No club or organization is allowed to host any event which would be potentially inappropriate for kids. I think alcohol and partial nudity falls under this category. As every man's face fell, Shyvana snorted. "I'm going back to the kitchen to make your sandwiches Jarvan. I'm putting in my special ingredient in all of them." Jarvan nervously gulped as Shyvana walked back to the kitchen.

"Darn it!" Garen slammed his fist onto the table. The little brat Annie had robbed him of a chance to potentially see Katarina in a skimpy bikini. Next time he was up against the child on Summoner's Rift, he was going to unleash his Demacian Justice all over her face. "Does anyone have any other ideas?"

Everyone looked around the room. Finally, Pantheon spoke up. "We could hold a bake sale."

"A bake sale?" Garen was skeptical. "Do you even know how to bake? Does anyone else here know bake. Because I don't."

"I'll have you know, I'm quite the chef. The ladies love a man who can cook. In fact, I used to be a member of the Baking Club. Unfortunately, the only members were Morgana and me." Pantheon shuddered as he suddenly remembered some unpleasant memories.

"Oh yea, there used to a Baking Club. What happened to it?" Jarvan asked.

"Morgana happened to it. She was super creepy. She'd always feel up my biceps whenever I was there. She'd also whisper very naughty things into my ear. Then she'd always write very suggestive things on whatever we were baking. Cakes, brownies, you name it! The tipping point was when one time I bent down and she started to touch my inner thighs and grabbed my buttocks. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to quit. She was making my life miserable." Pantheon sighed. "After that, the club couldn't last with only one person. Still, I am quite the baker and will be able to make this bake sale work."

"Well, I'm too hungover to really think of any other ideas, so this one will have to do. Any objections?" Garen called out. Everyone shook their heads. "Good. Now all we need is to figure out a date to hold the bake sale. Is everyone good to go in four days?"

"Four days is more than enough time. I'll need a little time to make a list of all the ingredients that I'll be needing. I'm sure one of you guys will be able to get everything and then we'll just need to do a little advertising and find a place to set up shop. Pantheon began stretching himself out. "Oh man, it has been so long since I've been able to do some serious baking without having to worry about Morgana."

"Very good. Once you get a list of everything you need, give it to me and I'll make sure you get it. Braum and Gragas, you guys do some advertising in the bar," Jarvan directed. "Jayce you wi-"

"Actually, I will need a cooking assistant," Pantheon interrupted. "Jayce will suffice. Can't do everything myself after all."

"I will also do some advertising for both the bake sale and our club," Garen chipped in. "With that all settled, this meeting is adjourned." Everyone except for Garen and Jarvan began to leave the room. "So Jarvan, when is Quinn coming by to report on Lux's slumber party? I thought she was coming by right after our meeting."

"I need to sleep off my hangover, so I told Quinn to drop by in another two hours," Jarvan said. "I'm going to my royal bedroom for a nap right after I eat the sandwich Shyvana made me. Feel free to stay here and crash for the next two hours as well." Jarvan left to go to the kitchen. Garen shrugged his shoulders. He could use another two hours to sleep off his hangover as well. He located the nearest couch and laid down to take a nap.

Two hours later, Garen woke up to the sound of Valor screeching. "That bird is so annoying," Garen grumbled. At least he knew that Quinn was waiting in the next room. He quickly went to the mirror and adjusted his hair and entered the room. "Quinn," he greeted. "Where is Jarvan?"

"I'm here," Jarvan announced as he entered from the opposite side of the room. "Sorry, I was just in the bathroom. I don't think that sandwich is sitting very well in my stomach. Well, I think we should begin. Quinn, did you find out who Lux's crush is?"

Quinn shook her head. "I was unable to find out who Lux's crush is," she responded. "We actually did play truth or dare, but when it was my time to ask Lux, she chose dare."

"Couldn't you have dared her to tell everyone who her secret crush is?" Jarvan asked.

"That would ruin the entire purpose of the game," Quinn replied. "I ended up making her take a jello shot off of Riven's abs. It was fun."

"You did what!?" Garen shrieked. "Why was Riven at the party? I thought I specifically told her not to invite any Noxians to the party. Wait a second... jello shots? Please don't tell me there was alcohol in those shots. I'm going to kill Vi for introducing them to her."

"Riven was the only Noxian there," Quinn insisted. "And the jello shots were non-alchoolic. Well, actually they were supposed to be, but then Ahri invited herself to the slumber party, so we-"

"Ahri!? She wasn't supposed to be invited either!" Garen roared. "What was Lux doing?"

"Well, Ahri overheard us when we were inviting Sona to the party. She ended up talking about how she wanted to experience more human activities and that the slumber party would help her learn how to be human. Sona was too nice and she wanted her there as well. Lux had no choice but to invite Ahri as well. We got rid of all the alcohol though so that another Ahri dry humping incident wouldn't happen again. I can't believe Sona made us invite her after the last time."

"Ok, but nothing serious happened to my sister though right? No fights, violence or anything?" Garen asked.

"No. There was that time when Vi lost the game of Twister and threatened to punch a hole in the wall, but Caitlyn was able to stop her." Quinn was about to continue her story, but suddenly felt Garen zip right past her. "What is his problem?" she wondered as she watched Garen run right through the door.

"I've seen this before," Jarvan remarked. "He is getting ready for a serious brother sister talk. Looks like he is quite upset with her." Jarvan frowned as his stomach rumbled. "Oh dear, not again," he squealed. "Why did I eat the sandwich?"

"Did you anger Shyvana again?" Jarvan weakly nodded. "She gave you another mouse sandwich didn't she?" Jarvan nodded again. "Ok, I'll go to Soraka's and get you the pill." Jarvan thanked Quinn as Valor began to fly away with Quinn hanging from his talons.

* * *

Garen was furious. Lux had disobeyed every rule he had set prior to the start of the slumber party. Lux had undermined his authority. Garen sped to her room faster than a home guarded powerballing Rammus. He was going to give her a piece of his mind. As he arrived in front of Lux's door, he did not bother knocking. Instead with one decisive strike, Garen cut down her door. "Luxanna Crownguard, get your ass over here!" he screamed.

"Garen! What are you doing here? Why did you cut down my door?"

"You broke all the rules I had set for your party!" Garen yelled out. "From what I've heard, you invited Riven, Ahri, Caitlyn and Vi. You already broke the first three rules I made. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Well, you said you weren't going to tell any of the guys," Lux shot. "Care to explain why your entire club knew I was having a sleepover? I had to have Caitlyn and Vi do a quick search of my room for any hidden devices before I could host my party. It was embarrassing!"

"I never told any of the guys!" Garen tried to deny.

"Don't even try it. Quinn told me how Jarvan forced her to spy on me during the party and make sure nothing happened to me. Besides I crossed my fingers when I agreed to everything, so ha!" Lux revealed. "I can't believe you can't trust me enough to even allow me to have a quick get-together with some of my friends."

"Well, I can't believe you'd cross your fingers behind your back," Garen retorted. "I thought we were at the stage where we could be completely honest with each other. I guess I was wrong."

"You made Quinn spy on me and told everyone in your stupid club!" Lux cried out. "I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl. I can invite whoever I want. I'm really beginning to regret ever telling you that I was holding a slumber party. Janna was right. You really are a huge weenie!"

"Lux, I'm just trying to look out for you. At lot of crazy things can happen in the Institute and I don't want you to get hurt. You are my sister. Jarvan and I only had Quinn there to make sure nothing happened to you."

"Really?" Lux raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? You do realize I invited Leona to my party and asked her all about a certain incident that left you and Pantheon in the hospital right?" Garen shifted around nervously as he waited to Lux to continue talking. "I can't believe you would do that! Garen Crownguard, shame on you!"

"In my defense, I was not aware of what Pantheon was going to show me," Garen argued. "I swear I had no intention of peeping whatsoever. You are my sister and I'd never let anything like that happen to you. I know I'm a little overprotective, but that is what being a big brother is all about. All I want to know is that everything went all right last night. "

Lux smiled. "Last night went great. It was fun having a girl's night without having to worry about any fighting." Lux droned on and on as Garen pretended to listen on. He was hoping that since Lux was now in a good mood, she may let slip who she had a crush on later on. He was going to do what Quinn had failed to do last night. He just needed to be subtle and wait for the right time. "...And then we all had a pillow fight. Poppy got me good. I didn't expect a little yordle to be so strong."

"You invited Poppy?" Garen exclaimed. "What did I say about yordles?"

"Again, I crossed my fingers. We've been over this. You do realize she is our yordle ambassador right? It would be incredibly rude for me not to invite her."

"Lux, let's just stop beating around the bush." Garen was done waiting. He was going to find out what he had come here for. "Just tell me who you are in love with. That is all I really want to know."

Lux groaned. "So Quinn really wasn't kidding. I'm not going to tell you Garen. It is embarrassing."

"You know that I can help you confess your love if you want right?" Garen said. "In fact, I happen to be an amazing poet. Here, I have a poem you can use." Garen cleared his throat. "Roses are red, violets are blue, my body is ready, can I kiss you?"

Lux was stunned speechless. "That is the worst junk I ever heard in my life," Lux finally remarked. "Look, I'm not going to tell you and I don't want your help. You'll just embarrass me and make everything worse."

"Oh come on! At some point you will need to bring him to our parents and I will end up finding out anyway. Why don't you just make this easy for the both of us and just tell me now? I can help you and make sure he is a suitable partner for you," Garen declared.

"Garen, get out of my room," Lux ordered as she began to try and push her brother outside. However, Garen wouldn't budge. "Can you move?" she grunted as she attempted to push harder.

"I will not move!" Garen proclaimed. "Not until you tell me. This isn't just for me. This is for Demacia! I will not dishonor Demacia!" Garen suddenly yelped as he felt himself being pulled back. He looked behind him. Shyvana had transformed into a dragon and was beginning to drag him out of the room by her powerful jaws. Garen struggled to free himself, but to no avail. He resigned himself to his fate as Shyvana dragged him all the way back to his own room. She roughly threw him against the door. "I hope this teaches you not to interrupt my beauty sleep," the dragon roared as she left.

Garen was not amused. He got right back on his feet and charged back towards Lux's room. However, when he arrived, his sister was nowhere to be seen. "Where could she be?" he wondered aloud. He began to run around the entire Institute in search of his sister, but he couldn't find her. After a few hours, Garen gave up. This was not going to work. He went back to his room and began working on a new plan.

* * *

I wish I put DRAAAAAAAAVEN into this chapter...oh well.


	6. Chapter 6

So Taric... I had truly outrageous plans for him. But now I have even more outrageous plans for him after his rework and lore changes! Everyone's favorite fabulous champion will be making an appearance later in the story.

* * *

Garen woke up the next morning refreshed and reenergized. He had a match on Summoner's Rift today. He got himself prepared and made his way to the teleporter room which would take him to the Rift. It had been three days since he had last been in a fight and he was itching to see who he'd be up against. Perhaps Katarina was going to be on his team today and he was going to impress her by destroying his lane opponent. Then she would realize just how much of a man he was and then she'd agree to go on a date. Garen began to giggle to himself as he arrived. Today was the day he was going to be legendary. He entered the room all ready to impress Katarina. As he looked around the room, he was incredibly disappointed. Katarina was not on his team. However, there were two familiar faces that he did recognize. "Jayce," Garen regarded dejectedly.

"Hey buddy, what's up? Why do you sound so sad?" Jayce went over to Garen and wrapped his arms around his back. "Do you need a back massage? Would that cheer you up?" Jayce moved his hands to Garen's shoulders and began to sensually rub them in a circular motion.

"Get your hands off me!" Garen quickly pulled Jayce's hands away from his body and pushed him aside. "I don't need your massage. I was hoping Katarina would be on my team today. "

"Ah, trying to impress your love?" Pantheon teased as he met up with his two club members. "Well, that is unfortunate. But that is ok. We have three members of the Manly Man Club and we'll show the other team just how amazing we are." He gave each member a high five. "Let's do this!" he roared as he patted Garen and Jayce on the butt and went over to the last two members of the team, Corki and Lulu and gave each yordle a high five as well. The entire team now marched to the teleporter, ready for their fight on Summoner's Rift. Right before they were transported, everyone got a good look at the opposing team. "Lux is on the other team?" Jayce observed. "Looks like I'll have to go a little easy today huh?" He chuckled to himself.

Garen sighed. Battles against his sister were always awkward. Some siblings enjoyed getting to fight against each other. Renekton would savor each opportunity he'd get to duel his brother Nasus in the top lane. However, those two had some serious issues that no amount of therapy would be able to cure. On the other hand, Garen cared very deeply about his sister. He was her bodyguard in the Institute. Having to slay her just didn't feel right. Not only that, if he went too deep and killed Lux multiple times, she could always tattle to their parents and then Garen would be in a lot of trouble. Well, he just hoped that he'd destroy his lane along with bot lane and Jayce wouldn't hurt his sister too badly. Speaking of his lane, Garen took a look to see who'd he be matched up against. Hopefully, it be a melee champion so he'd have a fair fight. As he saw who he was up against, he did a fist pump. It was the Exile, Riven. He finally got a melee fight where he could defeat the swordswoman fair and square. Garen looked to see who else was on Lux's team. Skarner, Jinx, Soraka. Nothing that scared Garen.

"Garen," Lux greeted her brother. "Hope we have a good match."

"Indeed." He shook her hand. As he looked at his sister, he suddenly got a brilliant idea. "Lux, remember what we were talking about yesterday?"

"Yes," she said. "I'm still not going to tell you. I will hide again if you try to barge into my room."

"Well, how about this? If I win this match today, you will tell me. but if you win, I'll let this issue go for the next month." Garen stuck his hand back out. "How about it?"

Lux took a moment to think about Garen's offer. She wasn't quite ready to tell her brother about her secret crush yet. If she wanted to, she could hide her crush from Garen for as long as possible. However, being able to not worry about Garen sticking his butt where it didn't belong for a month was too tempting to pass up. This would be about three weeks longer than any other promise he'd ever made. "I agree," she replied as she shook Garen's hand and walked away to give her a team a quick pep-talk.

Garen also walked back to his team. Lux had actually agreed to his wager. This time, he had his fingers crossed behind his back. Even if he somehow lost, this meant that he could still investigate his sister whether she liked it or not. Nevertheless, he wanted to save the trouble of having to do more work. He huddled his team together. "Ok, I really need to win. Please don't screw this up for me." Garen then pulled Jayce aside. "Ordinarily, I'd tell you to take it a little easy of Lux. Today, you have my permission to rough her up a bit. Just make sure you don't make her cry." Jayce gave a quick salute to Garen before the teleporter finished transporting both sides to Summoner's Rift.

As both sides arrived on Summoner's Rift, Garen took a quick look around the shop. Ordinarily against Riven, he could start with either a cloth armor or a doran's shield and then spend the rest of his remaining gold on health potions. Today though Garen was going into man-mode. He was going to dominate the dirty Noxian Riven, hard carry the game, and then have Lux divulge her secret crush to him. He bought a long sword and some potions and prepared to head towards his top lane. As he began to move, Pantheon took him aside. "So, do you want me to camp your lane? From one manly man to another?" the warrior asked Garen.

"No. I will win this by myself. There is no need for help!" Garen replied.

"In that case, help me with the gromp." Pantheon and Garen walked together into the jungle and waited for the jungle camps to spawn. Once all the jungle camps spawned, Garen helped Pantheon kill the gromp. He swung his mighty sword thrice before heading back towards his top lane. Although Riven was very mobile, Garen knew he could defeat her. As the laning phase went on, the two fighters continued to trade blows. However, Garen knew he was gaining the upper hand. Thanks to his health regeneration, he was slowly beginning to out sustain Riven. Finally, he saw an opportunity to get his first kill. He closed the distance before Riven could react and began spinning his sword around his body. He could feel the kill coming! As he was one slash away from drawing first blood, he saw three shots of light heading towards him. The first was Lux's wand, forming her Prismatic Barrier and shielding Riven. The second was a sphere to light, snaring Garen in place. The third was Lux's Lucent Singularity spell, forming a misshaped ball of light next to Garen and exploding in his face. Luckily, Garen was a juggernaut and could take all the hits as he began to stagger back towards his turret and safety. Garen tried to walk to where his turret could protect him, but Riven flashed next to Garen before he got there and with a sudden burst of runic energy, stunned him temporarily. Then with one swing of her broken sword, she slew Garen drawing first blood. "Great Job Riven!" Lux cheered as she headed back down towards midlane.

As Garen respawned back at his base, he was infuriated. On Summoner's Rift, all champions were able to mentally communicate with each other. "Jayce ,where was the mia?" Garen angrily contacted his midlaner as he channeled his teleport back to his top lane turret. "Thanks to you, I gave up first blood."

"Not entirely my fault," Jayce responded. "Skarner came to gank me earlier and they bullied me out of lane. I blame Pantheon for never ganking!"

Just then, the announcer on Summoner's Rift blared out, "Double Kill!"

"I just got myself a double kill down bottom," Pantheon declared. "Now how about the both of you shut up and suck my dick!"

"Whatever." Garen ignored his jungler. Although he had given up first blood, Garen was still confident he could defeat Riven. As the two continued to brawl it out in top lane, Garen could see that Riven was getting very antsy in trying to push her advantage. She would take a turret shot or two as she attempted to harass Garen under his turret. Soon, Garen saw an opportunity to slay Riven and charged at the exile. It was going to be close. Even though Riven had taken a turret shot before the duel began, she still had her ignite which he used on him immediately. As they continued to exchange blows, Garen knelt down and called down the might of Demacia in an attempt to execute Riven. Right before his blade landed, a beam of light shined down from the sky, healing Riven. Garen swore. The Starchild had decided to interfere. Garen flashed away ran back towards his turret and began to channel his return back to base. Right as he was about to return, a huge missile landed right on top of Garen, exploding and slaying Garen.

"Argh!" Garen raged as he revived back in base for the second time. The enemy botlane had interfered with him. Soraka with her Wish and Jinx with her Super Mega Death Rocket.

"Garen, I'll help you out." Pantheon said. "I'll be giving away blue buff to Jayce and then I'll come up and gank for you with Jayce."

Garen nodded and went back to his lane, waiting for Pantheon and Jayce to make his way back up. Right after Pantheon gave up blue buff, Garen decided to fight Riven once again. As they began to fight, Pantheon prepared to manleap his way into the fray. Riven saw that Pantheon was about to come into the fight and began to dash away. Pantheon landed down with a large impact and began to chase down Riven along with Garen. Sadly, the two men had miscalculated. Skarner and Lux were both waiting for them. Skarner stung Pantheon, suppressing the jungler and dragging him back towards his team. Then with one laser and one Wind Slash, Lux and Riven slew Garen and Pantheon.

"Wow, you guys got wrecked," Jayce joked. He had tried to make his way up from the midlane, but Garen and Pantheon were blown up before he got there.

"Why are they both fed?" Pantheon bemoaned. "Maybe I should've just stayed in botlane."

"Don't worry, I got this! I believe! Riven is the villain now!" Garen charged back to his lane.

* * *

"I can't believe I lost!" Garen exclaimed as the teleporter brought him back to the Institute. They had been completely routed. They had only taken one turret during the entire course of the match. Not only that, Garen ended with zero kills. On the other side, Riven ended up legendary and had a total of ten kills by the end.

"That sucked," Pantheon noted. "I'm going to the gym and I'm going to work out so much that I forget this ever happened." Pantheon took a moment to gather his strength and then in one leap, he jumped to the gym.

"So Garen, looks like I won," Lux said as she sauntered up to her brother. "Now you can't bother me for the next month." She went back over to give Riven a congratulatory hug before she left. Lux gave Garen one last wink before she walked away.

"That is unfortunate," Jayce walked up to Garen to console him. "Did you just lose your chance to find out Lux's big secret?" Jayce began to give Garen a back massage. "I'll make you feel all better."

Garen removed Jayce's hands from his body. "No need for the massage," Garen rebuked. Although it felt surprisingly good, Garen was not in the mood. "I'm going down to the bar for a quick drink. I also want to see how Braum and Gragas are advertising our bake sale."

"I'll join you later. I need to do some tinkering around with my hammer." Jayce gave Garen a wave good-bye before he went back to his own room ,leaving the Demacian all by himself. Garen went down to the bar. "Gragas, get me a bottle of Demacian beer," he called out to the fat drunk. As Gragas looked for Garen's beer, Garen took a seat next to Braum. "How are the ads going? What have you guys done so far?"

"Braum has got you covered," the burly man replied as he handed Garen a flyer. "This is what Gragas and I have drawn up. We have put up a few of these all along the wall here and we also got Rammus to deliver and pin a whole of bunch of these all around the Institute. I like Rammus. He always gets shit done."

Garen took a good look at the flyer. It was a well drawn picture of Braum holding out a brownie. "This works for me," Garen said. Gragas handed over a bottle of Demacian beer to Garen as Garen thanked the man. "Will these all be put up by the end of today?"

Before Braum respond, Rammus came powerballing into the bar. "Rammus, you are back!" Braum greeted the armordillo. "Did you finish putting everything up?" Rammus nodded. "Great job, here is you pitcher of beer." Braum handed Rammus the pitcher.

Garen watched Rammus drink the alcohol. "Hey Braum," he whispered. "This will sound like a crazy idea, but should we invite Rammus to the Manly Man Club? It would be nice to have someone who is obedient and always willing to work in the club. He is also man enough to taunt anyone to fight with him."

Braum face lit up. "That is brilliant!" he whispered back. "Do you agree Gragas?" Gragas nodded. "So, we could invite him to our meeting tomorrow to make sure everyone else agrees with us."

"Sounds good. Rammus!" Garen called out to the armordillo. Rammus turned around. "How would you like to join my Manly Man Club? We are having a meeting tomorrow and we would like you there."

"Ok."

* * *

Any Yordle Fans?


	7. Chapter 7

Here is a brand new spanking chapter of Garen's Manly Man Club. I will be a little busy next week so I probably won't be able to update until the week after. Now, as for Garen's Manly Man Club, I'm still working on finalizing who will be the final members of the club. Quite frankly if I really tried, I could probably justify putting a good portion of the League into the Manly Man Club, but then there would be too many champions to have to keep fitting into the story. As it stands right now here is the membership plan:

Current members: Garen, Mantheon, Jayce, J4, Braum, Gragas

Future members: Rammus, Yordle(TBD),?,?

So there will probably be ten members, a nice round number. I'm more than happy to hear suggestions on who you guys would like to see.

* * *

Garen marched his way down to Jarvan's room. They were having another meeting for the Manly Man Club. Marching with him side by side was the newest potential member, Rammus. Although the two Freljordians and Garen approved of Rammus, they still needed the approval of everyone else. As the two champions walked by Xin Zhao on their to Jarvan's, the former gladiator gave each of them a quick salute before rubbing his backside. In appeared as though Jarvan gave him his punishment spankings after all. Garen entered the Manly Man meeting room with Rammus in tow. "Good morning everyone," Garen greeted. Garen looked around and noticed that one member was missing. "Wait, where is Jayce?" he asked.

Pantheon spoke up first. "I don't know. He was suppose to work out with me late last night, but he never showed up. I'm going to punish him later. He should know how important it is to never skip leg day."

"He was out drinking instead," Gragas revealed. "Garen, you weren't there because you had left earlier to your room, but Jayce came in later that night to drink with Vi and Caitlyn. He may have gotten a bit drunk and may have tried to grope Caitlyn. Vi may not have liked seeing Jayce getting handsy with her girlfriend and may have started a huge bar fight which may or may not have sent both of them to the hospital."

"Yea, I had to bring both of them to Soraka's wing," Braum said. "A great night of drinking wasted by a bar fight."

"If he got his ass beat, he clearly needs to spend more time at the gym." Pantheon shook his head disappointedly. "I'm definitely going to have a word with him." At this moment, Jayce came limping into the room. "Jayce!" Pantheon walked up to the man and lifted him up by the top of his jacket. "I know where you were last night! Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Can you let go of me? I'm still sore from last night," Jayce moaned as Pantheon let him go. "Soraka didn't want to heal me up completely. Said something about teaching me a leasson about respecting women. She didn't even get rid of my black eye." Jayce winced as he took a seat. "I look like an ass and I got beat up by a girl. The past 24 hours have been terrible."

"Not cool dude. You are suppose to represent the great art of manliness, but you got super drunk and beat up by a girl?" Pantheon grabbed Jayce again. "You are going with me to the gym right after our meeting and we are going all the way."

"What about you guys?" Jayce asked. "Didn't Leona beat you and Garen up like three days ago?"

"That is because we didn't fight back unlike you," Pantheon answered. "Otherwise we could've easily taken her. No problem."

"Jayce, you could've ruined the entire image of the Manly Man Club," Jarvan admonished. "Don't do it again. In fact, we should hold a training camp later this month to work out together and make sure this never happens again."

"Jayce, your behavior last night was terrible to say the least. I don't want to hear about it. The amount of shame you have brought to my club..." Garen shook his head. "As your punishment, you are cleaning everyone's toilets for the next week. Now, let's talk about some more club relevant issues. Pantheon, have you given Jarvan the list of everything you'll need for the bake sale?"

"He has given it to me," Jarvan replied. "We'll have everything ready for the big day. Now, I believe there was another matter which you would like to discuss."

"Yes." Garen beckoned Rammus to the front of the room. "I'd like to invite Rammus to our Manly Man Club. He already has the approval of Braum and Gragas."

Jarvan got up from his throne and began to walk around Rammus, inspecting every detail of the armordillo. "I don't know... does Rammus count as a man? Isn't he more of a creature? Besides, we have plenty of junglers in our club. We need more variety."

"Well, Rammus can count as a top-laner. We still need a few of those," Garen countered.

"So can most of us," Jarvan countered back. "I just don't see manly in him." Rammus frowned. "Sorry, buddy."

"I am the president of the club and I will use that power to ignore everything you said and accept Rammus into the club. Besides, watch this." Garen called Rammus over. "Rammus, go into the kitchen and make all of us sandwiches."

"Ok." Rammus walked to the kitchen. Ten minutes later, he came rumbling back in holding a tray full of sandwiches. Jarvan took one and hesitantly took a bite. "This is really good!" he exclaimed. "Rammus, you are cool."

"Welcome to the club Rammus," Pantheon greeted as he shook the armordillo's hand. "Looks like I have a new baking assistant for the bake sale. Jayce, you are fired."

"Actually, I have something else planned for Rammus," Garen stated. "As you guys may know by now, Lux and I had a bet on our match yesterday. She won so I had promised her that I wouldn't try to find out her secret crush for the next month. However, she didn't take into account the fact that I had crossed my fingers behind my back. Lux thinks she is safe right now. This is the perfect time to strike. Rammus, I want you to dress up as a ninja and spy on her. When you find something you report to me. Do you understand?"

"Ok." Ramuus began to exit the room and start his mission, but was stopped by Jarvan. "I'm still not sure whether I can trust Rammus. I want one of my own operatives on this case. Quinn!" he cried out. A few seconds later, Quinn came flying into the room. "You called my prince?" she asked as she bowed.

"Ah Quinn, please rise," Jarvan said. "Now, I have a job for you. I hope this time you actually succeed. I want you to spy on Lux again. This time you will find out who she has a crush on."

Quinn stared blankly at her prince. "You are kidding right? I thought this joke was already over. I also heard from Lux that she had a Garen-free month. I think I will tell her what you guys are planning to do right now."

"No!" Garen and Jarvan cried out at the same time as they both charged towards Quinn. Jarvan activated his cataclysm, trapping the three of them in a circle of impassable stone. "Quinn, you will not be telling her anything. If you do, I will confiscate all of Valor's fruity pebbles and never return them." As Quinn snorted, Jarvan gave her a mean stare. "I mean all of them! Even the ones, you hide in your secret tree house. Quinn's face paled in horror. "You do this for us or else you can say good-bye to Valor's fruity pebbles. Forever!"

Valor began to squawk in anger as he flew around in rage. Quinn took a look at her bird partner. "Valor, calm down," she ordered. "I'll get you your fruity pebbles. Just stop your screeching." She turned to Jarvan and Garen. "Ok, I'll do it. You better keep your end of the bargain. You are going to give Valor his fruity pebbles. And I also get a ten percent increase in my salary."

"Very well," Jarvan agreed. With a sudden jab of his spear, he took down his circle of stone. "So, will you be able to start spying on Lux right away?"

"No," Quinn replied. "I just said that so you would let me leave." Both warrior's faces fell. "Don't worry Garen, I won't tell you sister though." She flew off with Valor.

"Wait, I'll increase your salary by thirty percent!" Jarvan tried to plead to Quinn's retreating figure. "Shoot, that didn't work."

"Can we just send Rammus like I said in the first place?" Garen asked.

"No. I have my secret weapon! Vayne!" Jarvan called out. Thirty seconds later, the Night Hunter came strolling into the room. "Jarvan, since you've called me, this must be an emergency. What is it? What type of black magic are we dealing with?" she asked. She looked around the room. "Hold on, what are these people doing here?"

"Never mind them," Jarvan dismissed. "Listen, Vayne I need you to spy on Lux. This is a top secret mission that I can trust only to you."

"No, I refuse," Vayne declined. "This is not the sort of emergency I had in mind. I thought I told you to only call me if there are incidents involving black magic or dark creatures like Vladimir or something. Not this type of childish drama. I'm out of here. I may as well do everyone here a favor and tell Lux all about this. I'm sure she'll be happy."

"No, you will not. If you do tell her, I'll reveal all of your smutty yaoi fanfiction you have been writing," Jarvan declared.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Vayne said as she shifted around nervously.

"Really?" Jarvan cleared his throat. He then mustered the most sensual voice he could make. "Ezreal hesistated for a second, but then reached out for the big throbbing mem..."

"Oh my god, you really do know," Vayne blurted. "Alright, I won't tell Lux. However, tailing after someone is really out of my league. I'm more used to just killing my target. I don't think I'm the right person for the job." Vayne tumbled out of the room.

"Rammus, looks like you are the only one left. Make us proud," Jarvan ordered the armordillo. Rammus gave the prince a quick salute before leaving the room. "Hehe, we should read some of Vayne's fanfiction some time. Very smutty and descriptive."

"I think we'll all pass," Pantheon said as everyone nodded their heads in agreement. "Is there any other business? If not, I'd like to go back to the gym and workout. then, I need to go find my special chef hat."

"I believe we are all good," Garen replied. "Rammus will spy on my sister for me. Jarvan will get the cooking supplies and ingredients you'll need. Braum and Gragas have already created flyers and distributed them all around the Institute. This meeting is over."

"Fantastic. Now that the meeting is over. Jayce can begin his punishment." Jarvan turned to Jayce. "I need to you to clean my toilet today. You see Shyvana decided to take a dump while she was in dragon form this morning and I don't need to tell you what kind of mess she left. I was going to clean it up after our meeting, but looks like you will be doing it instead. Jarvan gave Jayce a nice pat on the back. "I'm sure you'll do just fine. Bathroom is out the door, down the hallway, make a left, third door on your right. Trust me, you can't miss it."

"Ah man," Jayce groaned as he followed Jarvan's instructions to the bathroom. Before he got there, he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his leg. As he took a look, he saw that he had been shot by a dart. "Who...?" he wondered aloud before he yelped in pain as he was shot by another dart.

"What was that?" Braum as he heard Jayce's scream from afar. "I think that was Jayce."

"Maybe he just saw the mess Shyvana left for him to clean up." Jarvan grinned. "I think that'll teach him to not get beat up by girls. This will be some good training for him."

"I better check in case. I'll be right back." Braum left the room and started to go down the hallway, but quickly lifted his shield to defend himself as various projectiles were launched towards him. He dashed back into the meeting room. "What on earth was that?" Garen asked as he stared wide-eyed at Braum's shield.

"We have small problem," he noted as he looked at his shield, which now had darts, shurikens and harpoons protruding out. "We have a few guests."

"Captain Teemo on duty!" the little Yordle scout announced as he suddenly barged into the room. He was swiftly followed by a host of Yordle champions. "We have some business to discuss with your Manly Man Club."

"Wait just a minute!" Jarvan yelled. "How did you guys enter here unannounced? All guests are suppose to report to Xin Zhao first in order to seek an audience in my room."

"We...may have roughed him up a little," Teemo admitted. "He was being rude and unreasonable. We had no choice but to force our way into your room. Don't worry, we got him into Soraka's hospital. Xin Zhao will be ok." Teemo walked up to Garen and stared at the Might of Demacia. "The Yordle Union has heard of your Manly Man Club and as per Institute rules, there must be a yordle member in any Institute authorized club. As the president of the Yordle Union, I demand membership into the Manly Man Club."

"You can't be serious!" Garen shouted. "There is nothing manly about any of you yordles. How can you possibly think you deserve a spot in my Manly Man Club? Besides, you can't have a yordle representative in every club. It's not possible."

"Wanna bet?" Teemo dared. "Trust me, there are yordles in every club."

"I bet there aren't any yordles in Karma's super exclusive Tea Club," Garen tried. To his knowledge, only Ionians were allowed in the club. Although Kennen was the yordle to served Ionia, Karma demanded proper etiquette, peace, and tranquility in the club and the hyperactive yordle ninja would presumably fail at all three.

"TEA!" Gnar happily cried out as the prehistoric yordle began bouncing up and down. "Gnar is in Karma's Tea Club," Teemo explained as Gnar continued to hop around the room. "I think they have a meeting later today."

"Gnar?" Everyone in the Manly Man Club exclaimed in disbelief. "You mean to tell me that Gnar with his rage issues has a place in Karma's Tea Club? Garen said as he stared at Gnar. "I thought Irelia was the only other member."

"Once Gnar puts on his dapper gentleman outfit, he is quite charming," Teemo replied. "So, what else you got?"

A few clubs later and Garen was absolutely stunned. Although he had always joked about the Yordle Union, he had no idea that they had really forced their way into what seemed to be every club. Garen was running out of options. "Teemo, can you please give us a minute to discuss this issue in private?" Teemo rolled his eyes but signaled all the yordles to leave the meeting room. As soon as the door closed, Garen turned to his fellow men. "We have a major problem. It looks like we will have to accept a yordle into our ranks."Everyone groaned. "Yea, I don't think we'll be able to talk our way out of this."

"Wait, what if we got all the yordles so drunk that they forget all about this?" Gragas asked. "That'll solve everything. You guys will have to pay for the drinks though."

Garen shook his head. "I don't think that is a good idea. We can get into a lot of trouble if they found out we served alcohol to the yordles. I was under the impression that a few of the them were on your No-Serve List. I remember the last time Ziggs got his hands on a few drinks and blew up a portion of the Institute. Do you realize how weird it was to share a room with Lux? I never had any alone time."

"Just a idea," Gragas mumbled. "So, will Teemo really be joining us? He isn't manly at all!"

"I guess we can teach him how to be man. Who wants to be the one responsible for that?" Garen asked.

"Absolutely not!" Jarvan proclaimed. "I am not babysitting Teemo. Garen, since this is your club, you'll be the one who'll teach him."

"I don't want to do that!" Garen yelled back. "I'm too busy being our leader. I guess we can leave Teemo to either Gragas or Braum?" Both men shook their heads. "Come on, I know Teemo is evil, but one of us will have to do it."

"Wait, I got it!" Braum happily shouted. "We don't need to necessarily add Teemo to our club. We hold tryouts for the position. Arm-wrestling contest," he roared as he flexed his muscles.

Garen thought about it. "That is ingenious!" he exclaimed. He opened the door and let the yordles all back in. "Well, we have thought about it. We will let a yordle join our club." As Teemo cheered, Garen held his hand up. "However, we will be holding tryouts to determine who we will let in."

"I am the manliest yordle here!" Teemo unhappily grumbled. "I saved Bandle City by myself! I own champions with mushrooms. How can anyone be more manly than me?"

"Come on," Rumble stood up to address Teemo. "You always decide everything. You made me join Nidalee's Jungle Club. Can't we just for once have the actual club decide rather than you do whatever you want?"

Teemo sighed. "Sure. If they are truly manly men, they'll easily see that I'm the manliest yordle around."

"Very good. We will begin the tryouts shortly," Garen said.

* * *

Will Teemo really be joining the Manly Man Club? Or will another yordle take his place? Find out next time on Garen's Manly Man Club!


	8. Chapter 8

More Garen's Manly Man Club action. Now with more Yordles!

* * *

"First up, Teemo. Step forward." Garen declared. The Swift Scout moved to the center of the room. The Manly Man Club were all seated together. Garen, Jarvan, Braum, Gragas, and Pantheon had decided that all of them would judge each yordle. After every yordle had made a case for themselves, they'd get together and decide as a group which one they'd offer membership into the group. Braum had wanted an arm wrestling contest, but everyone quickly shot him down. Jayce was still unconscious and resting in Soraka's room. "Teemo, what qualifies you to be a member of my Manly Man Club?" Garen asked.

"I follow the Scout's Code and I have saved Bandle City from the devious Veigar," Teemo began. "I'm also a general badass and wear an awesome hat."

"What sort of badass uses a blowpipe and darts?" Garen asked. "A real man would run up to his enemy and smack him with a sword or something. Darts are the weapons of sissies and no man should ever use them."

"Agreed," Jarvan stated. "You also employ poison, which is the lowest of the low. No real man would ever coat their weapon with poison. It is dishonorable and something the Manly Man Club cannot stand for!"

"Ah come on," Teemo whined. "I can run real fast. I have mushrooms."

"We already have Rammus for running real fast," Garen said. "Gragas also provides us with discount alcohol, so there is no need for your mushrooms. Next." Garen waved Teemo away.

Teemo stood in disbelief as Garen shooed him away. He couldn't believe that they didn't offer him membership on the spot. "But the Scout's Code... Never underestimate the power of the Scout's Code," he whimpered.

"The Scout's Code has made you into a little bitch," Pantheon declared. "Bring on the next yordle. We are wasting time. I still need to find my chef's hat after this and then work out my legs!"

Teemo burst into tears. "Wahhhhh!" he cried. He ran over to Tristana, who quickly gave him a hug. "You must think I'm a loser," he said as he sobbed onto her shoulder.

"Nonsense. You will always be a real man to me," Tristana consoled. "Don't worry about what a bunch of idiots think of you. I'll bring you back into your room and make your favorite soup. Ok?" Tristana helped Teemo out of the room.

In the meantime, Corki came valkyring into the center of the room. "Corki," Garen greeted. "Why should I let you into my Manly Man Club?"

"I got a big package," Corki stated.

"With all due respect, we all have big packages," Jarvan said. "I don't see how your yordle package can compare with ours."

"I was talking about my special delivery. Well, I also have a nice mustache. No other yordle has facial hair, let alone any that can compare to my lush mustache."

"Mustache? Come up here and let me feel it," Braum ordered. Corki flew forward until he was directly across from Braum. Braum reached out and began to stroke Corki's mustache. After stroking it for a few seconds, he put his hand to his chin as he pondered. Ten minutes later, Braum finally reached a conclusion. "Your mustache is a 7!" he proclaimed.

Corki pumped his fist into the air. "That is a Yordle 9. I'll take it!" he gleefully accepted as he flew away. Taking his place in the center of the room was Heimerdinger. The Yordle Inventor stood as he waited for his turn.

"Heimerdinger!" Pantheon called out. "Have you finally decided to give me another tablet? If you do, you'll have my vote in to the Manly Man Club."

"What are you doing?" Garen whispered to Pantheon as he pulled him aside. "A vote can't be so easily bribed. That'll undermine the whole process."

"I'm suffering through withdrawal," Pantheon snapped. "I need it so bad." Pantheon walked back to the table. "What do you say Heimerdinger. Let bygones be bygones."

"You aren't getting another tablet," Heimerdinger said. "I have three strikes and I do not want to get into any more trouble."

"Three strikes?" Garen questioned. "Aren't you suppose to be a Yordle genius? I thought you were being super careful. So, how did you manage to pull this one off?"

"I blame Vi," Heimerdinger let out a deep sigh. "She told me to place a few microphones and cameras in Ahri's room, per Caitlyn's instructions. Since it was the Sheriff's order, I did as Vi wanted. I guess due to Ahri's senstive ears or something, she ended up discovering all the devices I put in her room. Ahri told Caitlyn who then stormed into my room. Apparently, Caitlyn never had any orders to put anything in Ahri's room. I tried to tell her that it was all Vi, but she didn't believe me. Now I have three strikes and can't do anything."

"That is terrible," Pantheon noted. "But since you are already in so much trouble, potentially getting into a little more can't hurt right? How about you just give me a new tablet?"

"Absolutely not!" Heimerdinger shouted. "I'm already getting a false reputation for being a pervert and the last thing I need is that to be actually true!"

"Aren't you a pervert though?" Pantheon asked. "I thought you had those free subscriptions to those naughty yordle websites."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Heimerdinger quickly stuttered. "I'm only here because Teemo wanted every yordle here. I have no interest in your Manly Man Club or any of your perverted shenanigans."

"Well, that sucked." Pantheon began to tear up. "Why can't I just get my tablet back? That is all I need..."

"Let's just get the next yordle up," Garen said as Pantheon continued to cry. "Who is next?"

"Pleased to meet you!" Lulu greeted as she ran to center stage.

"Wait why are there females here?" Jarvan asked. "This is a Manly Man Club. No chicks allowed!" Lulu pointed her staff at Jarvan. "What are you going to do?" he taunted. "Nothing will change my mind! This club will be a boobie free zone."

"Transmogulate!" Lulu cried out. All of the sudden Jarvan was transformed into a squirrel. "This is fun!" she giggled as she began chasing the newly polymorphed Jarvan around the room.

"How dare you!" Garen leapt out to confront Lulu. "I demand you turn the prince back to normal this instant!"

Lulu hesitated for a moment and then casted a spell on herself. "Up we go!" she shouted with glee as she increased her size drastically and knocked Garen into the air.

"Aieeee!" Garen squealed as he was launched into the air. As he recovered from his flight, he took a look at the now enlarged Lulu and gulped. Lulu now towered over the Demacian warrior. "We can discuss this nicely can't we?" he politely asked. Lulu ignored what Garen said and began to chase both Garen and Jarvan around the room. "Help!" Garen shrieked as he was being chased.

"Lulu, can you stop chasing them around and turn Jarvan back to normal?" Braum requested. "If you do, I buy you the Yordle Special Juice."

"Special Juice?" Lulu squealed in delight. "Ok, I love the Special Juice! It tastes purple!" Lulu shrunk herself back to her usual height and then pointed her staff at Jarvan, transforming him back to normal. Jarvan groggily shook his head as he he lay on the floor recovering from the whole squirrel ordeal. "Let's go right now!" Lulu declared as she dragged Braum and Gragas to the bar.

"Er...should we take a break?" Garen was a bit confused since Braum and Gragas were gone. "We probably need to wait for those two to come back before we can continue judging."

"You most certainly do not!" Rumble pronounced as he clanked his way up to the center of the room in his machine. "The majority of you guys are still here right? I bet I can impress you three so much that you'll all vote me in to your club. Braum and Gragas won't matter since I'll have the majority of the votes. Now watch this!" Rumble pushed down a lever in his machinery, causing the flamethrower on its right arm to activate.

"Wow!" Garen, Pantheon, and Jarvan all exclaimed as they stood mesmerized as they watched the fire shoot out. "That is so cool!"

"Hehe." Rumble grinned to himself. All going according to plan. By showing off his technological genius, Rumble was sure to get himself membership into the Manly Man Club. Then Tristana would surely dump Teemo and be with the real manliest yordle in the League. Rumble began to giggle. As he was busily prematurely celebrating, the flamethrower suddenly began to malfunction as a jet of fire shot out and landed directly on Garen's hair.

"AHHHH!" Garen began to scream as he rolled onto the floor to try and put out the fire. A few seconds of rolling around managed to put it out, but the damage was done. Garen quickly went to the bathroom to look at his hair and as he looked at the mirror, he cried out in horror. His hair was ruined. "Rumble!," Garen roared out as he stormed out of the bathroom. "I spent all morning working on my hair to make it as cool and hip as possible. Thanks to you, it is all burnt and smelly! Now, if I walk next to Katarina, she'll laugh at me and call me an ass! Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"I am so sorry!" Rumble apologized. "I made some adjustments to my mech last night and I wasn't aware that keeping my flamethrower on for so long would cause it to suddenly shoot out further. I'll make it up to you. I'll show you other cool stuff." Rumble prepared his Equalizer. Everyone loved rockets. He looked for a safe place to aim his rockets. He found his spot and pressed down to fire. The rockets flew out of the machine, but rather than land in the corner of the room where no one was standing, the rockets instead flew towards the three judges. Garen, Jarvan, and Pantheon quickly dodged out of the way. "What was that?" Jarvan shrieked. "You nearly killed us."

"I made some adjustments and I guess it messed up the aiming mechanism." Rumble scratched his head. "I don't get it. Please give me one last chance. I won't mess up."

Jarvan shook his head. "I want you out of here!" he ordered.

Rumble began to cry as he slowly exited the room. As Veigar stood ready to take his place, the Tiny Master of Evil was suddenly knocked down by another man. "Here's Draaaaven!" Draven exclaimed as he made his grand entrance into the room.

"What are you doing here?" Garen asked. "In fact, why is a dirty Noxian in the very room belonging to the great prince of Demacia? Where is Xin Zhao? How did he let this filth here?" Garen slapped himself upside the head as he suddenly remembered that Xin Zhao was in the hospital. "Ok, Draven please tell me why you are here before I stab you with my sword and package your body to Darius."

"Why I was passing by Teemo and Tristana when I overheard the fact that Teemo tried to join your Manly Man Club, but failed. As soon as I heard about it, I rushed over here to come and try out. Every club needs a little bit of Draven, especially this one!"

"Draven, today's tryouts were for yordles only," Jarvan explained. "We are not looking for any other members at this time."

"There is always time for Draven!" the executioner proclaimed. "Can anyone here do this? Draven began to twirl and spin his axes around. "Man, I'm good!" he said after a few minutes as he finished up his act. "So, what do you say? You guys have plenty of room for Draven right? I was thinking that since I'm in the club now, we should host a Draven and Friends comedy sketch."

"Draven, none of us want you in the club," Garen walked up next to Draven and tried to push him out. Draven quickly sidestepped out of the way, cackling as he continued to spin his axes.

"Man, that is so not Draaaven," he laughed. "So I was thinking that you could be the court jester whose antics which serve to impress me only amuse me instead. Can you wear an orange wig and paint your face white?"

"Why you little..." Garen started to chase Draven around the room, but found that he couldn't catch up to him. "ARGH!" he screamed in frustration.

"You are just not Draaaaven enough," Draven giggled. "I will declare this club the Draven Club of..."

"Whomp!" Poppy had been charging up her hammer throughout the chase and now smacked Draven in the face with it, sending him flying out the room. "And don't come back," she called out.

"Wow...Poppy that was amazing!" Jarvan walked over to the yordle and shook her hand. "I want Poppy in the Manly Man Club."

"Poppy?" Garen questioned. "Yes, of course! Why didn't I see it before? She is the only yordle manly enough to wear a full set of armor and wield a hammer that is twice her height. However, my prince I thought you were against having a female in the club?"

"I admit I still have my reservations," Jarvan stated. "However, keep in mind that Poopy is also an adopted Demacian. That automatically makes her trustworthy. She has my vote for the Manly Man Club!"

At this moment, Braum and Gragas returned from their trip to the bar with Lulu. "Hey, what is going on? I just saw Draven come flying out of the room on our way back." Braum said.

"Poppy smacked Draven away with her hammer," Garen replied. "You guys are back a lot quicker than I thought.

"Yea, Lulu can't handle much of the Yordle Juice. She passed out after one shot." Gragas looked around the room. "I think a few of the yordles are missing," he noted.

"Yea, Rumble decided to audition while you guys were away, but he burnt Garen's hair and nearly blew us all up. We had to kick him away before he caused any more damage. Veigar was knocked down by Draven and is lying unconscious in the next room. Um... wait where is Kennen?" Garen stared at where the remaining yordles were sitting. Poppy, Gnar, and Ziggs were seated, but Kennen was nowhere to be found. "Where can he be?" Garen asked.

Garen's question was swiftly answered by a sudden roar and the sound of a yordle squealing. "Why the fuck is there a yordle in my bed?!" Shyvana roared out. Kennen came running back in the room.

"Kennen, did you just try to get in the same bed as my girlfriend?" Jarvan glared at Kennen disapprovingly. "I want you out of here!"

"I thought it was a slumber party. Ah man." The usually hyperactive ninja slumped his shoulders as he slowly left the room.

"Now then back to business. While you two were away, we have decided that Poppy should join my Manly Man Club."

"Poppy" Braum shook his head. "There is a yordle far more manlier than Poppy."

"Like who?" Garen was in disbelief. How did Braum not see Poppy's manliness? Perhaps he needed to have been there to see Poppy spank Draven out of the room.

"Gnar!" Braum said. "Gnar is the manliest yordle out of the bunch. When he turns into Mega Gnar, he is far more manly than anyone of the yordles. He is big and mean."

"Yordles? Can everyone please leave the room? We are discussing some Manly Man Business and we would like some privacy."

"What about me?" Ziggs asked. "I haven't got to audition yet." He began to juggle some of his bombs. "Should I show off my biggest bomb?"

"Get out!" Jarvan screamed as he quickly pushed Ziggs away. As he did so, Jarvan locked the door behind him. "So, looks like there are two votes for Poppy and one vote for Gnar. I personallu think Poppy should be in because she can wield a hammer twice her size. How manly is that! I don't think anyone else here can do something so spectacularly manly."

"I vote for Gnar." Gragas declared. "Her hammer is cool and all, but I can't serve Gnar alcohol. That means that I don't have to worry about giving him a discount. You guys are already abusing this privilege. If I add in Poppy, that'll just be another twenty percent off of sales that I will be losing. I can't afford that. Besides, Poppy is pretty much Demacian. Having three Demacians may ruin whatever balance we have."

"I can't believe this!" Garen threw his hands up in frustration. "Pantheon, you are my last hope. Please tell me you can see Poppy's manliness."

"Hmmm..." Pantheon was lost in thought. After a few minutes, he finally came to a decision. "I vote for Poppy!" he said. "Gnar spends too much of his time hurling boomerangs like a sissy. If he were always Mega Gnar, he'd get my vote but since he can't, Poopy is more manly.

"YES!" Garen pumped his fist in the air in victory. He opened the door. "Poppy, welcome to the Manly Man Club," he said as he shook her hand. He turned to the rest of the yordles. "Get out of Jarvan's room! You are stinking it up!"

* * *

Next time, the Manly Man Club hosts their bake sale. Will it go as planned?


	9. Chapter 9

Here is some more fun Garen Manly Man Club action. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Pantheon, are you ready yet?" Garen asked. It was the day of the big Manly Man Bake Sale and they were getting ready to sell the first batch of baked goods. They were situated in one of the Institute's large multipurpose room. It was a few minutes before the start of the bake sale and there was already a small line lining up next to the front door.

"Give me one more minute. It's not like these goodies can bake themselves," Pantheon called out.

"Whatever you are baking better be good," Jarvan said. "The last thing we need is a food-poisoning scandal."

"Don't be ridiculous. I happen to be an extraordinary baker. I certainly wouldn't wear this apron and chef hat if I had no idea what I was doing." Pantheon gestured to himself. The Targonian warrior had indeed put on a chef hat and apron, although no one had the heart to tell him that his chef hat looked incredibly stupid over his helmet and his apron looked completely out of place with his armor. As Pantheon looked into the oven, he gave a cry of delight. "The triple chocolate fudge brownies are done!" he roared as he took them out of oven. "We should be able to begin once we get these bad boys out and ready. Jayce, get to it."

Jayce begrudgingly walked over and placed the batch of brownies on a plate on one of the tables in the room. This was better than cleaning toilets, but doing servant work was a bit degrading. He was a mechanical genius. Nevertheless, if this was going to make him a manly man like Garen or Pantheon, he was willing to do as they say. "Should I let Xin Zhao and Quinn know that they can start letting champions inside?" he asked everyone.

"Yes, I think we should be all set." Jarvan turned to Pantheon for confirmation. The chef nodded his head. "Let me go with you," Jarvan said as he walked with Jayce to the entrance of the room where Xin Zhao and Quinn were standing guard. The original plan was to have Braum and Garen stand guard, but Garen insisted that as the president of the Manly Man Club, he needed to be in the room overlooking the sales. After further discussion, they also decided that Braum's friendly disposition was better suited for sale rather than protection. As such, Jarvan took it upon himself to force Quinn and Xin Zhao to act as guards. Since he paid their salaries, Jarvan could do whatever he wanted with them. "Quinn, Xin Zhao, you two can let in the first champions into the room," Jarvan ordered. The two Demacians nodded as they allowed the first champions to enter.

"Cookies!" Annie shouted as she charged into the room. She was closely followed by Amumu and Vi, who also excitedly ran towards the refreshments. Bringing up the rear with a bemused expression, was Caitlyn. "Vi, don't get into any trouble," she called out to her partner who was already eyeballing the cupcake section.

"I take it you two are in charge of babysitting the kids?" Braum asked the sheriff.

Caitlyn nodded. "Yes we are. Vi has always had a bit of a sweet tooth and she decided to use the kids as a way to cut in line. Ever since the Great Summer Amumu Tantrum, the Institute has decreed that the children must always be served first. Vi might've taken advantage of that fact to grab some desserts before the champions, but I see this as a good opportunity for her to spend some time with kids. One day, Vi and I may adopt children and I want to make sure we are the best parents a child can ask for. However, Vi has always been a bit rough around the edges, so it's better to start now and see how she does. Ah..." Caitlyn began fantasizing about future family life with Vi and two wonderful kids. Her daydreams were quickly shattered by a nearby commotion.

Vi was currently in an argument with Amumu, who looked about ready to cry. "Are you kidding me? You want oatmeal raisin cookies? You want me to waste my gold to buy you some fucking raisin cookies? No wonder you don't have any friends." All of the men currently in the room were too apprehensive to jump into the argument and break it up. Garen, Jarvan, and Poppy were all afraid that one wrong move would cause Amumu to start crying and cause some serious damage. Pantheon and Jayce were still in the kitchen baking, Gragas was already drunk back at the bar and Braum was too busy entertaining Annie and Tibbers. Caitlyn immediately butted in. "Vi! That is not how to talk to children! Shame on you!" she admonished as she slapped Vi across the wrist. She turned to address Amumu. "It's ok Amumu. We'll buy you a dozen of those cookies. Just don't cry."

"You mean it?" Amumu sniffled. Caitlyn nodded. "Well ok then." Amumu went up to Caitlyn and gave her a big hug. Twenty minutes they were all ready to finally to leave, Caitlyn having to drag Vi from the cupcake section. "Vi, I'll make you some cupcakes later ok? We need to leave now. We promised the kids that we'd take them out to the park later."

"Oh come on, you always bake cupcakes with strawberry frosting. Why can't I get something different? You are going to buy Amumu and Annie whatever they want. Why won't you do the same for me? I'm your girlfriend!"

"Vi, are my cupcakes not good enough for you?" Caitlyn glared at Vi. Vi frantically began to shake her head. "I thought so. Now please try to act a little more bit your age." She turned towards Poppy, who was in charge of the cash register. "How much will this cost?"

Poppy looked at all the baked goods Caitlyn was buying. "That'll be 5000 gold," she told the sheriff.

"5000!" Vi charged Poppy. "Are you trying to tell me that a dozen cookies and three brownies are going to cost us 5000 gold?" Vi shoved Poppy against the wall.

"Vi!" Caitlyn quickly got her partner off Poppy. "What are you doing? You are setting a bad example for the kids. Violence isn't the answer to everything." She turned back to Poppy. "I'm sure we can negotiate a fair price. How about 3000 gold? That is a more reasonable price."

Poppy shook her head. "I'm sorry. No negotiations. This was what Garen and Pantheon instructed me."

"This is going nowhere!" Vi walked to the next table and smashed her fist down upon it. The table shattered upon impact, alerting Garen. "What is going on?" Garen demanded to know.

"You know what...pretend nothing happen. Poppy here is the 5000 gold." Caitlyn handed the yordle the money and quickly hurried away with Vi, Annie and Amumu. "Why did you agree to pay? It was a rip-off! Why are we running?" Vi asked as she tried to keep up with Caitlyn.

"I agreed since I'm also taking into account the cost of replacing the table. We need to run so that they don't realize that fact. Besides, I'm still a little disappointed in your behavior. You are sleeping on the couch tonight." Vi tried to complain, but Caitlyn was hearing none of it as she led Annie and Amumu outside.

"Wait, what happened to the table?" Garen asked as he looked at the wreckage. "Oh shoot, we also needed to charge Caitlyn and Vi the cost of replacing the table! Quick ,we need to go after her! Pantheon!" Garen cried out. Pantheon popped out of the kitchen. "What do we need? Did someone already eat all of the brownies. Don't worry, I'll make some more right away."

"It is not about the brownies. I need you man-jump to where Vi and Caitlyn are and demand payment for the damages that they have just caused. Garen waited for Pantheon to leap forward, but to Garen's frustration, Pantheon merely stood and glared at him. "What are you doing?" Garen screamed. "Chase them down."

"First of all, I have no idea where they went. Second of all, are you really asking me, the chef to leave the kitchen unattended to make up for your fail? You really want me to leave Jayce alone in the kitchen?"

Garen thought to himself for a moment. "Good point. Leaving Jayce alone would be a disaster. I'll find a way to get the money later. Let's just get more champions into the room so we can make some money. Jarvan, let Quinn and Xin Zhao let in a few more."

"Let's get some brownies!" Tryndamere shouted as he entered the room along with his wife Ashe. In addition to the couple, a few other champions were let in as, one of whom immediately made their way to Pantheon, who hadn't quite returned to the kitchen. "Pantheon, I have a request."

"What the... why is there a Noxian here?" Garen yelled out. He rushed to where Pantheon was standing. "Can someone explain to me how Riven managed to sneak in here?"

"Riven may be a Noxian, but she doesn't serve her country anymore. As such, I made an exception for her," Jarvan came up to explain and defuse the situation. "Riven, what do you need Pantheon to do?"

"I was going to ask Pantheon whether he could make me something romantic and heart-shaped," Riven said as she fidgeted around.

"Oh my," Pantheon smirked. "Don't worry. I got you covered. Pantheon's baking always gets the job done. However, this request won't be easy. Give me thirty minutes and 4000 gold."

"Done," Riven said as she handed the gold over to Pantheon and waited at the side of the room.

"What? No argument?" Garen remarked as Pantheon went back into the kitchen. "For a Noxian, that's decent." As he went back to sit in his chair and rack up the sales, there was another commotion by the brownie stand. "Oh come on!" Garen exclaimed as he walked over to where another couple dispute was taking place.

"I'm telling you honey, I want to buy some chocolate chip cookies," Tryndamere pleaded. "You are always so pushy when it comes to what I eat. Can't you let me be a big boy and eat what I want?"

"No, you have to watch your figure," Ashe scolded. "You are forgetting that you are a trophy husband. I can't let you eat junk food and become as fat and unhealthy as Gragas."

"Ashe, can't you be nice for once and just let Tryndamere eat what he wants?" Braum pleaded.

"Absolutely not! He is only here to help me carry all the food back into my quarters. If any of you guys say another word, Tryndamere will be sleeping outside tonight." Ashe glared at everyone in the room, daring anyone to speak up. Luckily for Tryndamere no one said a word as Ashe finished picking out all the baked goods she wanted and went to the register to pay for it. After she left with Tryndamere lagging behind her and carrying everything, Garen finally spoke up.

"Wow, I was planning on asking Tryndamere to join the Manly Man Club, but after seeing that pathetic display, I take it all back," Garen said.

"Weren't you also scared of Ashe though? I didn't see you try and defend Tryndamere," Braum remarked.

"As a master of the female sex, I did not think it wise to argue with Ashe," Garen boasted. "Now, hopefully the bake sale will continue to run smoothly for the rest of the day. We need to make more money!"

Surprisingly there weren't any incidents in the next hour. A few yordles were let in next, but there were no hard feelings over the Manly Man Club auditions the previous day. They bought whatever food they were interested in and left. A variety of champions entered afterwards, but there were no further incidents. Riven even took her special order without question once Pantheon was done baking and left after a quick thanks. Garen believed all was going great, until the next two champions came charging in.

"Feeding time!" Kog'maw declared as the Mouth of the Abyss made his presence known. He immediately walked next to the nearest table and began eating everything on display. Following Kog'maw was his caretaker, Malzahar who watched with glee as Kog'maw continued to go on a eating spree.

"Oh god!" Jarvan cried out. "What were Quinn and Xin Zhao doing? I thought I told them to give me a warning if Kog'maw was coming."

"They were caught in my Nether Grasp before they could even scream," Malzahar explained as he continued to watch Kog'maw eat. "Eat up my little munchkin," he encouraged.

"You are ok with all of this?" Garen asked. "You are aware that you are going have to pay for all of this right?"

"That is fine with me," Malzahar said. "The Institute gives me a monthly salary solely for Kog'maw's monstrous appetite. Money is no problem for me. I'm sure I can afford whatever this feeding will cost me. Besides, it saves me the trouble of trying to cook for him."

Fifteen minutes later, Malzahar was left in near tears as he spent all of the allowance paying for what Kog'maw ate. Kog'maw had decided that he wanted to eat everything the Manly Man Club had baked and now happily sauntered off leaving Malzahar to cover the cost. Once the duo left, Garen quickly had Braum create a sign saying that they needed a quick break while Pantheon baked more goods. He then ordered Poppy to put up the sign before it was too late. As Poopy went up to put up the sign, she was suddenly rooted in place. Two quick blows to the head and Poppy was knocked unconscious.

"Well, what do we have here?" Swain rasped as he entered the room. He was followed in by the rest of the Noxian champions, with the exception of Riven. "I'm sure it just happens to be a coincidence that you started your bake sale at the same time we hold our Noxus-only meetings. Hoping to sneak your bake sale without us knowing? How silly. Classic Demacian foolishness at its finest. Now, I demand brownies!"

"Do you really hold your meetings as this time? I had no idea," Garen claimed. "Look, we have a bit of a situation. Kog'maw just came by and ate all of our baked goods. We don't have anything for sale right this minute. Be patient and we will have something out in no time. You guys are lucky we have to let you guys participate as well. If I really had my way, Noxians wouldn't be allowed.

"Don't try this crap on me." Swain limped over. "The Manly Man Club is really just a front for patriotic Demacian activities." He motioned for Draven and Darius. "I brought my muscle here with me. We are not afraid to start a fight."

As the two sides prepared to the inevitable fight, Dr. Mundo suddenly came barreling into the room. "Mundo wants cookie!" the Madman shouted as he looked around the room. "Where is cookie?"

"We have situation on hand," Braum said. "Can you wait for a few minutes? We'll have cookies out very soon."

Dr. Mundo shook his head. "Mundo goes where he pleases!" he proclaimed as he blew by everyone and entered the kitchen. "What is this?" Pantheon spat as he saw the intruder. "Jayce, take care of this!"

Jayce nodded and smashed Dr. Mundo with his hammer, but it did absolutely nothing as Mundo stood there and took the hit without flinching. "Mundo Smash!" he roared as he hurled a cleaver at Pantheon. Pantheon swiftly dodged out of the way, but the cleaver hit the oven, causing it to explode.

"Look what you have done!" Garen pointed his finger at Swain. "One of your allies has tried to undermine our whole bake sale. Manly Man Club, attack!" he ordered as he charged at Swain.

* * *

"The cost of all the damage caused in your brawl will cost roughly 85000 gold," Caitlyn calmly said to Garen. The fight had sent every champion involved to Soraka's hospital wing. "Luckily for you, that looks like the amount of money you guys made in your bake sale before the fight."

"That much?" Garen asked from his bed.

"Well ,since the altercation occurred in an event you were hosting, the majority of the cost will be charged towards your club," Caitlyn explained. "Well, I have to get going now. I trusted Vi with Amumu and Annie and I don't know how long I can leave her alone without incident.

Garen groaned as Caitlyn left. The bake sale had turned into a debacle after a promising start. At least he got to beat up Draven during the fight though. As Garen lied down on his hospital bed, Rammus came rolling into the room. "Rammus? This better be good news."

Rammus said nothing as he passed Garen a piece of paper. Garen took a look at what Rammus handed him. "This is...!"

* * *

What has Rammus given Garen? Has someone in the Manly Man Club finally done their job? Find out next time in Garen's Manly Man Club!

Now for a few quick comments:

1\. I have nothing against Tryndamere. I just thought it would be funny and a nice change of pace portraying him as submissive rather than abusive or just a dude Ashe cheats on. Also, seeing as there are so many champions who I could put in the Manly Man Club later on, I just want to narrow it down a bit.

2\. Morgana was originally going to make an appearance this chapter. My initial draft had her coming in and abuse Pantheon. However, I now have something much more sinister planned for her a little later on.


	10. Chapter 10

Here is another chapter of Garen's Manly Man Club.

* * *

"What is this?" Garen asked as he scratched his head. Rammus had handed him a terribly sketched picture of what appeared to be two stick figures holding hands in a garden. Rammus was as bad of an artist as Garen would've thought he'd be. "I don't get what this picture is suppose to be."

"Let me see," Jarvan said. Garen passed the picture over to Jarvan. Jarvan examined the picture. "Wait a second, one of these stick figures has blonde hair, that must be Lux right?" Ramus nodded. "And the other figure has white hair."

"So some white haired guy was with my sister in a garden?" Garen was outraged. "Who would dare do such a thing in my presence?"

"Hold on." Jarvan held Garen back as Garen attempted to charge out of the room. "I think this white haired guy may be Lux's crush."

"What?" Garen exclaimed. "How can you be sure?"

"This garden is probably Zyra's Garden of Confessions. The special part of the Institute where couples go to proclaim their love. That is where I confessed my love to Shyvana. Why else would Lux be out in the garden?"

Garen gasped. Not the Garden of Confessions. Almost every couple in the League had confessed their love for each other at the Garden of Confessions, with the exception of Ashe and Tryndamere who were already married. In fact Garen was planning to eventually confess his undying love for Katarina in the garden someday. And now some white-haired champion had done the same with Lux. The only question now was who? Garen quickly went through the list of every male champion he could think of who had white hair. He came up with Ekko, Zilean, and Varus. He quickly crossed Zilean off the list since Zilean was way too old and if Lux really had a crush of him, she'd have a serious problem and Garen was sure Lux didn't have a serious problem. That left Varus and Ekko. Who was more likely? There was Varus. The Emo archer who spent most of his time contemplating vengeance against Noxus. Garen could respect that aspect. Noxus was full of dickholes. However, Varus had a family before the Noxian Invasion against his homeland and it was doubtful he'd be looking for love. That left Ekko. The young man with all his fancy gadgets and time-technology. "No!" Garen cried out before he dashed out of the hospital, ignoring Soraka's calls to come back. He would not let his sister be seduced by this nonsense.

Garen dashed down to the Zaunian section of the Institute. As soon as he approached the door to Ekko's room, he knocked it down with one swift kick. "Jinx, have you come to confess your love?" Ekko shouted as he ran from the bathroom to the front door. "Wait a second, you aren't Jinx," he noted. "Garen, what are you doing here? Only Jinx is allowed to knock down my door."

"How did you seduce my sister?" Garen roared as he lifted Ekko off of the ground.

"What are you talking about?" Ekko was confused. "I haven't been anywhere near your sister."

"Don't play dumb with me!" Garen smashed Ekko against the wall. "Rammus saw you with Lux in the Garden of Confessions. He even drew a picture of you two in the act. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Rammus drew a picture. Did he explicitly say it was me?" Ekko asked.

"Um...well, no." Garen admitted. "There was a stick figure with white hair next to the stick figure of Lux. I just assumed it was you since you were the first guy with white hair I could think of."

"Well, here is another question. The stick figure in Rammus' drawing. Was his face colored in black?"

"Ok." Garen knew where this was going. "I choose not to look at the world in black or white. However, it seems as though I may have made a slight mistake. Maybe it was someone else."

"Of course it was someone else! I have absolutely no interest in Lux. Her laugh is the most obnoxious thing I have ever heard and while her cheery sunshine personality may work for some, to me it feels washed-up and tacky. I'd prefer a much more explosive personality, like Jinx. Now that's a real babe!"

"What!" Garen was outraged. Did this little prick really believe a nutcase like Jinx was better girlfriend material than Lux. He needed to be taught a lesson. Garen reeled back his fist and prepared to punch Ekko in the face. As Ekko was about to get hit in the face, he suddenly disappeared. As Garen frantically looked around for him, Ekko's head popped out from the bathroom.

"Er... I think I mistimed my Chronobreak. I was suppose to turn back time to when we first started our conversation, but I think I went too far. I need to take my gigantic dump again. Can you please give me some privacy?"

"We weren't done with our conversation," Garen stated. "I'm going in whether you like it or not."

"And while you waste your time with me, some guy might have his slimy hands all over your sister?" Ekko taunted. "I think you have better things to do with your time."

"Aghhhh!" Garen screamed in frustration. As much as he wanted to beat up Ekko, he did have a point. He needed to find out which champion was with his sister. Since Ekko was already ruled out, that left only one other possibility.

* * *

"Varus, your time has come!" Garen declared as he crashed through the door. "How dare you make a move on my sister?"

"Lux?" Varus asked. "I didn't make a move on her. I saw her walking towards the garden and I said a quick hello. I have more important things to do than flirt with a young girl. I'm not a creeper."

"Really? Your pale disposition and creepy tendril of corruption say otherwise. I'm willing to bet you used it to infect my sister!" Garen called out as he charged towards Varus.

"Aieeee!" Varus squealed. He narrowly dodged out of the way of Garen's sword. "I'm innocent I swear!"

"All lies!" Garen roared as he continued to chase Varus around. "You are the only white-haired man left in the League. Ekko has already proved that he was not the one. That only leaves you!"

"Does it? Have you even considered that maybe the other champion used a skin? Maybe one in which they wear a white wig? Maybe a certain somebody who has already tried to ask your sister out?"

"Ezreal?" Garen laughed. "My sister has already rejected him. He is not a threat. You are just trying to draw attentions away from yourself.

"Are you sure you can take that risk? I swear to you, I have not touched Lux."

Garen thought about it. Varus was right. He couldn't take that risk. "Very well, I'll pay Ezreal a visit. However, if I find out you have been lying to me, you'll feel my Demacian Justice!"

Varus breathed a sigh of relief as Garen left. He really didn't have anything to do with Lux, but Garen was always so intimidating. At least he passed him off to Ezreal. "That is what he gets for beating me in the beauty contest," Varus said aloud as he watched Garen rumble down the hallway.

"Ezreal we have business to...what on earth is going on here?" Garen screeched as he broke into Ezreal's room. He had been prepared for the worst. He was ready to separate Ezreal from his sister as necessary. He was not however ready to see Taric applying nail polish to Ezreal's toes. "Wait, Ezreal you are gay? Then why did you ask out my sister?"

"I'm not gay. I'm metrosexual!" Ezreal snapped. "Just because a guy takes good care of himself and grooms himself extremely well doesn't mean he is automatically gay. Taric here was giving me beauty tips and pointers. He is about to finish polishing up my toes."

"In that case, Taric give me a second." Garen waited for Taric to move out of the way before he grabbed Ezreal by the cuff of his shirt and pushed him against the wall. "Ezreal! How dare you attempt to ask out Lux again! I thought I already proved you were too much of a sissy to date Lux! What type of witchcraft did you use to seduce her?"

"My little butterflies, what is the cause of this dispute?" Taric asked as he moved to separate the two. "I'm sure I can find a gem to help you two fellows out."

"Don't try to stop me you traitor!" Garen shouted as he shoved Taric out of the way. "This little douchebag here was hitting on my sister and brought her to the Garden of Confessions. He must pay for his insolence."

"Look I already tried to ask her out and failed. I don't want to go through with this again," Ezreal said.

"Rammus say you two in the garden today! He even drew a picture. You were wearing your frosted skin in an attempt to trip me up!" Garen accused.

"That is something I can only apply on Summoner's Rift," Ezreal insisted. "I haven't tried to ask your sister out again ever since the first time. You have to believe me."

"I can vouch for him," Taric pitched in. "I've been hanging out with Ezreal all day. We went to a beauty salon, had a nice pedicure, and even checked out some fabulous gems! He was nowhere near the Garden of Confessions."

"How can I trust you?" Garen stared down Taric. "You are a traitor of Demacia."

"Garen, look into my eyes and tell me if I'm bullshitting you."

Garen took a deep breath and stared into Taric's eyes. He hated to admit it, but Taric seemed to be telling the truth. If he kept staring into Taric's eyes, he was afraid of being lost in them. Silently cursing himself for his moment of weakness, Garen managed to avert his eyes. "But why would Varus tell me to search here?"

"Varus?" Exreal questioned. "He told you to come here? He was probably butt-hurt about the fact I whooped his ass in the beauty pageant yesterday. What a little bitch!"

"There you are!" Jarvan declared. "I found him!" The prince motioned for the rest of the Manly Man Club to come over. "Garen, what are you doing in Ezreal's room? We already know he isn't the one your sister is in love with."

"I was fooled by Varus. He tricked me." Garen replied. "I will destroy him right now!"

Jarvan managed to stop Garen from charging forward. "Garen, there is no need to rush into this without thinking. Did you even think to ask Rammus who the other person in the picture was?"

Garen swore aloud. His prince was absolutely right! In the meantime, Rammus, Jayce, and Pantheon had all arrived. "Rammus! Tell me who my sister was in the garden with! Was it Varus?" Rammus shook his head. "Tell me then!" Rammus stared at Garen. "Tell me!" Garen yelled again.

"Garen, you know Rammus can only say ok," Jayce admonished. "I have an idea. We'll just go down the list of every male champion. Sounds good?" Everyone nodded. "Ok, so was is Aatrox?" Rammus shook his head.

A few minutes later, Garen was in disbelief. They had called out every male champion in the Institute. They even named every non-human male. However, Rammus shook his head each time. "What is going then?" Garen was very confused. "Did we miss someone?"

"Wait a second!" Pantheon had a sudden thought. "What if the other person was a girl?" He turned to Rammus. "Was the person with Lux also female?" Rammus nodded. Pantheon pumped his fist. "That is so hot!"

"Well, this is certainly a shocker," Jarvan remarked as he looked at Garen. Garen was still stunned in disbelief as he was still trying to process this new piece of information. "Ok, I guess we'll just go down the list of female champions. Jarvan began to rattle down every female champion, waiting for Rammus to finally do something other than shake his head. Finally, as Jarvan said Riven's name, Rammus nodded. "Riven!" Jarvan exclaimed. "You can't be serious!"

This seemed to wake Garen from his stupor. "Riven?" he cried out. "This can't be right. I thought I taught Luxanna better. How could she choose a Noxian? I don't even care about the fact she is in love with another woman. But Riven? A Noxian?"

"But aren't you in love with Katarina?" Jayce brought up.

"No need for pointless details right now! We are in crisis mode! I'm going in!" Before anyone could stop him, Garen was already charging towards Riven's room. As he arrived in front of the room, Garen steeled himself. He didn't know what what he would see on the other side. He shuddered as he imagined the worst case scenario. He took a deep breath and burst through the door as he made his entrance. He peered into the room...

* * *

Hooray Cliffhanger! Will Garen kick some Noxian ass? Find out next time in Garen's Manly Man Club!


	11. Chapter 11

Here is the next chapter! This one is also a little shorter than usual so i'll make up for it by talking a bit about the upcoming chapters:

1\. Again, thank you everyone for leaving reviews. I have read them all and am taking them into account. There may not be room for every champion you guys want to see join the club, but I'll at least try to include every champion in the story in some capacity.

2\. There will probably not be anyone joining the Manly Man Club for another 2-3 chapters. There will be another mini arc before more membership. I have three champions in mind who'll definitely joining. I'm also probably going to bump the total number of champions in the club to about 12-13. Anymore and I think I'll probably lose track.

3\. Finally, I know these past two chapters have been a little more Garen-centric. He is obviously the main character, but I do want to give the other members of the Manly Man Club a little screen time as well which I'll hopefully do the next few chapters.

* * *

But Riven's room was empty! There was no one inside. Garen started snooping around, making sure Riven or his sister wasn't hiding somewhere in the room. Garen searched all around, but found nothing. "This only leaves one choice," he said aloud. He left Riven's room and sped his way back to Lux's room. With one quick stroke of his mighty sword, Garen cut down the door. He took one quick look into the room once the dust cleared and gasped. "Luxanna Crownguard!" he exclaimed.

"Garen?" She swore out loud as she hastily separated herself from Riven, whom she had been cuddling with on the couch and was just about to kiss. "This isn't what it looks like," she hastily stammered. "I was...er... Riven was teaching me some hand-to-hand combat moves in case someone challenged me to a wrestling match." Riven swiftly nodded in agreement as both women prayed that their blushing faces wouldn't give it away and that Garen would be naive enough to believe that lie.

Garen put his hands on his hips. "Do you two honestly believe I'd be dumb enough to believe something like that? I know when two people are about to kiss!" Garen wagged his finger at Lux. "I had Rammus tailing you for the past few days and he saw you two in the Garden of Confessions. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Garen, you broke your promise!" Lux gasped. "You weren't suppose to spy on me for the next month!"

"Well, I crossed my fingers that time. Just like you did the first time!" Garen retorted. "Besides, even if I did break the promise, this still doesn't excuse your behavior. Why on earth are you consorting with a Noxian?"

Before Lux could respond, Rammus came barreling into the room closely followed by the entirety of the Manly Man Club. "He is in here like I said he'd be," Jarvan said as he walked in the room. "Oh Rammus wasn't kidding. Lux and Riven really are together."

"That's hot," Pantheon commented as he entered the room with the rest of the Manly Man Club. Jayce nodded his head in agreement as Lux and Riven both hid their faces in their hands in a feeble attempt to hide.

"Can everyone please get out of my room?" Lux squealed. "I want some privacy. Everyone except Garen and Riven, get out of my room!"

"All right, the show is over," Garen said as he started to push everyone out of the room. Most of the members didn't need much persuasion and left without causing a fuss. Pantheon and Jayce attempted to hang in the room as they pleaded that they wanted to see more action. With one last swift shove, Garen was able to get rid of the duo. Finally, only Jarvan, Riven, Lux, and Garen himself remained in the room. "Jarvan, this is a family matter. There is no need for you to be here."

"On the contrary, this is also a matter of great importance to Demacia. It is imperative that I ensure the Crownguard bloodline isn't tainted. I am your prince and I will have to be here for this conversation." Jarvan stood firm.

"Fine," Garen relented. He then went over to Riven. "This is a Demacian-only discussion, no Noxians allowed," he declared as he attempted to drag her out of the room.

In a flash, Lux was up and angry. "Garen, don't be ridiculous. Riven is my girlfriend whether you like it or not and is very much a part of this." She walked over to Garen and Riven and with a sudden burst of strength, managed to pull her away. "Riven, are you ok?" Lux asked as she leaned over to give her a quick peck on the cheek."

"I'm fine," Riven insisted as Lux pulled her close and continued to fuss over her. Garen looked shocked at this display of affection. "What Noxian witchcraft have you used on my sister Riven?" he roared as he leapt into the air in an attempt to execute Riven on the spot.

Jarvan managed to keep Garen at bay with his lance. "What are you doing my prince? Can't you see what is going on? A Noxian is attempting to defile my sister. Why are you stopping me?" Garen cried as Jarvan held him back. After a few more minutes of struggling, Garen finally stopped moving. "Ok, let's try to be a little bit mature around here," Jarvan said. "How did this happen?" he gestured.

Lux and Riven looked at each other and smiled. "Well, it started all the when Riven first entered the League," Lux began. "She seemed so lonely and depressed and I was drawn to her trying to help her out. As we spent more time together, I found myself more enamored with her with each passing amount. Eventually, I was finally able to gather the courage to finally ask Riven out and luckily for me, she felt the same way" Lux finished as she shyly glanced over at Riven again.

"I see..." Jarvan began silently thinking to himself. Riven took this moment to address Garen, who was pouting on a nearby chair. "Garen, I know Noxians aren't exactly your favorite people in the world, but please understand that I care for Lux deeply. I will never do anything to harm her and will do anything to make her happy."

Garen turned his back to Riven and grunted. In the meantime, Jarvan had not responded since hearing what Lux had to say. "Jarvan?" she questioned. "Is everything all right?" As she was wondering about why Jarvan still hadn't said a word, she quickly realized what was Jarvan was pondering. "Are you trying to figure out how you are going to tell the Demacian officials?" Lux sighed. "I am more than prepared to renounce the Crownguard name if necessary. I'm well aware that having a girlfriend, especially a Noxian one is definitely not what is expected of me."

Jarvan finally cracked a smile. "She really means a lot to you. I'll admit it will be a pain in the ass when I have to eventually tell everyone in Demacia about this. I certainly never expected this to happen. I was always under the impression that if I did have this talk about a relationship between a Noxian and Demacian, it would somehow be Garen and Katarina. Still, you can't help who you love. Shyvana is my fiancée and trust me when I say my advisors were appalled when they found out. I'm sure they'll be able to deal with this as well."

"So you are ok with this?" Lux hesitantly asked.

Jarvan laughed. "Yea. Besides, if you had to choose a Noxian, you could've done worse. Imagine if I had caught you making out with Draven or something." Jarvan shuddered at the thought as Lux gagged. "Come, give me a hug."

Lux and Riven both hugged Jarvan. "Garen," Lux addressed her brother who hadn't said a word. "Are you ok?"

"I don't understand," Garen shook his head. "I thought I was the perfect big brother. How did this happen? How did I have let my sister get a Noxian girlfriend without me knowing?"

"I think Garen is just jealous Lux managed to get a girlfriend before he did," Jarvan teased. Garen shot Jarvan a death-glare. "See, totally jealous."

"I'm not jealous!" Garen insisted. "I guess it is just hard for me to accept my sister has grown up. I never would've imagined that little Luxanna would have a romantic relationship, especially with a Noxian woman." Garen took a deep breath. "If being with Riven is truly what you want, then so be it. You have always been stubborn and there isn't much I can do to stop you."

Lux ran over to give Garen a hug which he begrudgingly accepted. "Thank you Garen. I thought you would hate me if I told you," she said.

"I could never hate you," Garen replied. "I'll admit when I may have greatly overreacted when I first found out, but once I calmed myself down, I realized that you'll always be my little sister. I'll support whatever decision you'll make, even if it involves potentially sleeping with a Noxian." As Lux and Riven both frantically denied sleeping together, Garen put his hand up. "Still, there is one last thing Riven must do before I can approve of the relationship. She'll need to prove her manliness! Forty push-ups now!" he ordered.

"Garen, don't be ridiculous!" Lux turned to Riven who was already down and beginning her push-ups. "You don't need to do this. We are already girlfriends."

"Noxian law dictates that I must have the approval of the male head of the house in order to court you," Riven grunted as she bent down. "Since your father is not here, that role falls upon your brother. Although I no longer serve Noxus, I still hold their traditions dear to my heart."

"Fine," Lux relented. She turned back to her brother. "I thought when you made Ezreal prove his manliness, you only made him do thirty."

"Riven gets a penalty for being a Noxian," Garen declared.

"She doesn't serve Noxus anymore. That shouldn't count." Lux countered.

"Fine. Just do thirty," Garen relented. Thirty, forty, it didn't matter. Riven was a woman and she would never be able to do that many. However, Garen was sadly mistaken as Riven was able to finish all thirty without even breaking a sweat. "Hm... I guess it is time for the next trial," Garen decided.

A few activities later and Garen was absolutely stunned. Riven was able to do everything that he told her to do and she didn't seem to be tiring out at all. She was even able to sing the Demacian National Anthem. Garen was out of options. "I guess you are man enough to date my sister," he finally admitted. "However, if you do anything to make her unhappy, I will come after you and I will destroy you." Lux and Riven celebrated with a quick kiss as Garen looked away. "Once you two are done, I do have another question. How many people know of your relationship. Am I at least the first?"

"Well, you guys are the first to know of our official relationship. However, plenty of people knew I had a crush on Riven. Janna, Sona, Leona, Caitlyn, Vi... come to think of it, I think most of the female champions knew or had some idea," Lux admitted.

"Am I at least the first guy to know about your relationship?" Garen asked.

"Well... there is Taric," Lux hesitantly brought up. "He helped me confess to Riven."

"Taric?" Garen exclaimed. "You went to that flowery traitor? Instead of me What does he know about love?"

"Plenty actually. He was the only person in the Institute's Women Association that actually gave good advice. Do you know how tiring it got having Vi tell me to go 'Spank that booty honey!' or Janna telling me a dirty joke every time Riven walked by? It was nice having someone there to have a nice heart-to-heart conversation. I knew that I could never talk to you because if I even mentioned the word love or feelings, you'd go into super overprotective mode."

"Ugh." Groan groaned. He really hated Taric. Almost as much as Noxians. He coudl've sullied Lux's innocent mind. "Well, there is still some things I need to give you since you are now in a relationship." Garen got and left the room. He quickly returned with two books and another small package. He handed the first book to Lux. Lux took one look at the cover and was appalled. " _The Bird and The Bees_? I don't think this is necessary."

"Lux, relationships are a difficult thing to navigate. I know years ago I tried to read this book to you, but you refused. Since you are now a mature young lady, it is only fitting that you have this book."

"Thanks I guess." Lux really didn't want to waste any more time arguing. "So what is the other book?"

Garen looked around to make sure there was no one else in the room aside from Lux, Riven, and Jarvan. "I don't want you to think any less of me after what I'm about to give you. You may find this a bit strange. Here you go." Garen handed the second book over to Lux. Lux gasped upon looking at the cover. "The _Karmasutra_? Garen, why do you have this?"

Garen looked offended. "I'll have you know the _Karmasutra_ written by the League's very own Karma, happens to be the golden standard when it comes to literature relating to sexual activities. Though it may surprise you, I do have urges and needs. I haven't exactly read it cover to cover, but I have been told that it is the best. I'm sure it'll help you two girls out in your time of need."

"I already have all three volumes, you can keep yours." Garen's jaw dropped as his book was rejected. Lux quickly realized the implication of what she said and blushed. "They were a gift. From friends," she quickly reiterated.

"I'll pretend I heard nothing." Garen finally gave the last package to Riven. Riven ripped open the package. "These are...condoms?"

Garen nodded. "Precisely. I'm still a young man and I am not ready to be Uncle Garen just yet. This is for your own safety. These happen to be the best quality Demacia has to offer, so you know that they'll almost never break. Now, I have bequeathed you my gifts. I must go to bed now. This has been a long day and I need some sleep. I have an early match tomorrow morning"

* * *

The next morning...

Garen did not have a good night's sleep. He had eventually made peace with the fact his sister was going out with a Noxian, but his mind wandered elsewhere. How was his sister able to get a girlfriend before he was? It boggled his mind. He was a manly man without peer. No offense to his sister, but he was a much more appealing specimen to the ladies than she could be. Or so he thought. So what was wrong?" As he thought about some more, he came upon another startling revelation. Only one member of the Manly Man Club actually had a girlfriend. Aside from Jarvan, no one was in a romantic relationship. Jayce had failed spectacularly in his attempts at asking out Caitlyn. Pantheon hadn't fared much better with Leona. To his knowledge, Braum, Gragas, Rammus, and Poppy all weren't in a relationship. Garen himself had made no progess with Katarina. At least he hadn't lost his crush to another woman though. Still, something needed to be done. A Manly Man Club couldn't have a success rate this low. Once Garen finished with his match in the morning, he was going to figure something out.

* * *

What will Garen try to do? Will someone in the Manly Man Club help him out? Find out next time on Garen's Manly Man Club.


	12. Chapter 12

Here is the next chapter. Now with Memorial Day Weekend coming up and a whole of bunch of things I need to do next week, I'll probably be unable to update for a little bit.

* * *

"We have a big problem," Garen declared. He had gathered all the members of his Manly Man Club for lunch in the cafeteria after his victory on Summoner's Rift. Ordinarily, he'd be happy after crushing his opponent. He had taken great pleasure in defeating Ekko this morning. After Ekko had bad-mouthed his sister yesterday, Garen was ready for his revenge. And revenge Garen did have. Due to overconfidence on Ekko's end, Garen had been able to get an early kill. From there, he had snowballed his lead, taking advantage of every opportunity he could find to slaughter Ekko. He had shown him what happens when you insult Lux directly to his face. It was fun beating on Ekko, but there were more pressing issues on hand. "There is a grave injustice occurring here in the Institute and it is time to take a stand!"

"Just get to the point," Pantheon muttered. He had been in the middle of working out his legs when Rammus suddenly entered the gym and dragged him all the way to the cafeteria. He had struggled with all his might to free himself from Rammus' grip, but found the armordillo was too strong. "I need to get back to the gym and continue to work out. If I don't, my legs could shrivel up."

"Very well. Have you noticed that only one of us in the Manly Man Club actually has a romantic partner?" Garen brought up. "We are the manliest champions in the League. Why has only one of us gotten a girl? Look over there." Garen pointed to a table at the other end of the cafeteria. Lux and Riven were eating lunch. Or attempting to. The news of their relationship spread like wildfire and a large number of champions had mobbed their table and were asking all sorts of questions to the new couple. Even Poppy, who should have been eating lunch with the Manly Man Club had ditched them and joined the crowd. Riven was doing her best to shrink away from all the attention, but Lux was eating it up, happily chatting with everyone. "My baby sister has even gotten a girlfriend. This is not right. Something needs to be done!"

"You want us to break up your sister and Riven?" Jayce asked. "That is pretty cold."

Garen shook his head. "Don't be silly. I may not like Riven because she is a Noxian, but she did prove her manliness. She even sung the Demacian National Anthem. Unless she does something grimy like a classic Noxian, I'll tolerate her relationship with Lux. No, we need to find a way to get girlfriends too. Men as manly as us can't just sit here and watch all the ladies get snatched up. We need to do something. Show the ladies that we are available."

"Like what?" Jayce scratched his chin. "Maybe we can do some male-stripping. I have been working on my hips." Jayce got up from his seat and began gyrating his hips. "What do you guys think? I think the girls will be all over me."

"Jayce, just don't." Garen pointed to the ground next to him. Jayce slowly walked to where Garen pointed and dropped down to do his push-ups. "Does anyone have an idea that doesn't make us look like cheap gigolos?"

Braum raised his hand. "We could have arm-wrestling contest! Show the ladies our strength!"

"Is that all you know?" Braum's face dropped. "Come on guys, we need a really good idea," Garen insisted. "This is real important."

"We could have a drinking contest," Gragas pitched in. "Ladies love a man who can hold his liquor."

"You just want us to pay for drinks don't you?" Garen accused. Gragas sheepishly looked away. "A drinking contest would be fun, but I don't think getting drunk will help us with the ladies. I start doing my chicken dance which the ladies will all laugh at." Garen turned to Jarvan. "How did you get Shyvana to fall in love with you?"

"I killed her father's murderer and shared a nice adventure together. If that doesn't get you into a girl's pants, I don't know what will," Jarvan replied.

"Well, I don't think I'll be able to pull that off," Garen admitted. He put his fists on the table. "Come on, we are smart people. Surely we can think of something!"

"What about a cooking contest?" Pantheon asked. Every since the bake sale, he had a cooking itch he couldn't shake off. "Girls love a man who can cook."

"But I can't cook. Can anyone else here cook?" Garen looked around the table. Only Rammus had raised his hand. "Wait, Rammus can you can cook?" Rammus nodded. "Well, I don't think a two person cook-off will be able to get us any chicks."

"Well, Riven used one of my cookies to get together with Lux. I'm sure it'll work," Pantheon insisted.

"This isn't only about you," Garen said. "There is a bigger picture. We need to all expose ourselves to the ladies and show them what kind of manly men they can expect to be with. There has to be some way of doing this." At this moment, Garen heard loud noises coming in the direction of Lux and Riven. Vi being Vi had decided that she wanted more juicy details regarding the new relationship and had now started a "We want more details!" chant that quickly caught on. Soon everyone surrounding Lux and Riven was chanting it, causing both women much embarrassment. As the chant went on and on, Garen decided to put a stop to it. It was bad enough his sister was in a relationship, but he didn't want any weird rumors to start spreading around. He got up to break it all up, but Lux had enough. With a shriek and a beam of light, Lux created enough of a diversion to run away with Riven. Garen breathed a sigh of relief and went back to his seat. With the departure of the couple, every gradually dispersed. Poppy returned back to the Manly Man Club table. "I'm back," she announced.

"Poppy. What were you doing? You were suppose to be eating lunch with us," Garen scolded.

"Ah come on, I was just congratulating Lux and Riven on their new relationship. I was so happy that Lux finally asked Riven out. Aren't they so cute together?" Poppy began to giggle.

"Wait a minute. You knew that Lux had a crush on Riven this entire time?" Garen asked. Poppy nodded. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"You never asked," Poppy replied. She sat down and began to eat. "So what were you guys up to while I was gone?"

"Argh!" Garen screamed in frustration. He pointed at Poppy. "You mean to tell you that I had to do was ask you this entire time? That would have saved me so much time and effort."

"Well, maybe that'll teach you to respect me." Poppy continued to smugly eat. "Looks like you shouldn't overlook a yordle."

"So what are going to do?" Garen went back to the original topic. "We still haven't come up with a way to get any of us girlfriends. If my little sister can get herself a girlfriend, so can we!"

"Garen, just admit it. You are jealous," Jarvan said.

"That may be partially true," Garen admitted. "But that doesn't mean there isn't a problem. I'm sure all of us here would like to be in a relationship." Jayce nodded in agreement. "As the group of the manliest champions around, we need to help each other out."

"How about you guys hold a speed dating event?" Poppy pitched in. "Yordles hold them all the time. I heard that is how Teemo and Tristana met."

Garen thought about it. It was surprisingly a good idea. "That may not be a terrible idea. Still, how do we make sure we can actually get ladies over? I fear our combined manliness might intimidate them."

Jarvan looked over to Gragas who was chugging ale. Gragas stared back at Jarvan as the prince began to give him a creeper smile. "I got just the plan. Don't worry. I'll do all the planning. I'm the Prince of Demacia for a reason."

* * *

"Ok, everyone gather around," Jarvan called over. It was two days since they first had the idea of hosting a speed dating event. It was currently evening time and the members of the Manly Man Club were all in Gragas' bar. They had sectioned off a portion of the bar specifically for this event. Rammus had already put out flyers for the event all around the Institute. "Here is how this event is going to work. Each of you guys will get their own table." Jarvan pointed to the four tables that had been set up. Of the eight members of the Manly Man Club, only four of them were participating. Garen, Jayce, Pantheon, and Braum all walked over to claim a table for their own. Jarvan had no reason to participate since he was already engaged to Shyvana. Gragas was too busy serving alcohol to participate. He didn't want to lose any of his business to Singed. Poppy was uninterested since she already knew all of the male yordle champions and considered all of them too sissy. Also, it would've been too much of a hassle having to a separate section just for Poppy. Lastily, Rammus as it turned out, was already in a committed relationship with a cactus plant he had found in the middle of the Shurima desert. So that only left four eligible men. "As all four remaining men sat down, Jarvan continued his speech. "You'll get ten minutes with a lady when she sits down on the opposite side of you. Once the ten minutes are up, she'll rotate to a different table. There will be a timer on each table which will start as soon as someone sits down. Now be sure not to forget to stamp their free beer waiver once you are finished."

Jarvan pulled out a few waivers from his back. This was their trump card in attracting ladies over. If anyone went to all four tables, then they'd get a free drink on the house. "Now, I think I should go over some guidelines." Jarvan pulled out a list from his armor and cleared his throat before he continued to speak. "There must be consent for all actions taken. No sexual harassment. Fianlly no lewd actions. Kissing is allowed, but anything beyond that I urge you to take it to a more private setting. Now if you guys are all ready, we'll start inviting the ladies in."

Before Rammus went over to do his bodyguard duties for the night, Garen quickly pulled him aside. "Did you add the special thing to the advertisements in the Noxian part of the Institute?" Rammus nodded. "Great." Garen had told Rammus to add in a special notice for Noxian firewater. Noxians loved that drink. Garen had even gone to Riven to ask her for a drink recommendation to attract Katarina over. Garen grinned to himself. If all went according to plan, Katarina Du Couteau would be all his by the end of the night. Meanwhile, Jarvan went over to see whether his special guest had arrived. He walked over to Xin Zhao, who was on guard duty yet again. His loyalty was to the prince was truly admirable. "Has Sona arrived yet?" he asked.

Xin Zhao shook his head. "Not yet my prince. I think Poppy went looking for her. Oh, there she is now." Poppy was escorting Sona over. Jarvan had managed to convince the Maven of the Strings to act as the DJ for the event. It had taken quite a bit of money, the promise of not getting harassed by anyone in the Manly Man Club and the promise of some free wine, but he had gotten it done. Any event with Sona djing was bound to be a good one. "Greetings Sona," Jarvan said as the mute bowed in front of him. "I'm glad you could make. Here this way." He escorted her over. As she walked by, everyone turned to stare at the beauty. Jarvan quickly took note of this and began to reassure Sona that no funny business would happen to here. "Rammus will be your personal bouncer for the night. If someone tries to do anything funny to you, Rammus will fuck him up." Rammus stood by her and gave his tough guy pose. "If you need anything, just tell Rammus and he'll get it for you." Sona nodded her thanks as Jarvan quickly glared at all the men before went back over to give Poppy and Xin Zhao some more instructions before letting women in.

"Alright, just make sure no trouble makers get in here," Jarvan told the two of them. "I don't want someone like Draven to come barging in. I'll stand nearby to hand out the alcohol waivers personally." Jarvan looked over at the clock. "Eight o'clock. I think we can get started." He turned to Sona who began to play music on her etwahl to set the mood.

Garen could hardly contain his excitement as he sat and waited for the first female champions to enter the room. Due to the layout of the room, there was no way of seeing who was entering the room until they physically entered the room. All he could do was wait. As he patiently waited, he strained his ears as he could barely make out a conversation taking place right outside.

"I see, well Ms. Du Couteau please enter," Garen could hear Jarvan say right outside. Garen's heart began to pound in his chest. Katarina was going to be the first one in? He wasn't prepared for this! This was all too sudden! Garen began to run through all of his catchy pick-up lines and poems in his head, hoping that he wouldn't screw any of them up once Katarina was sitting across from him. He was so caught up that he didn't even notice that she had already taken a seat right across from him. As Garen realized there was someone there, he quickly turned to address her. "Kata... wait you aren't Katarina," Garen noted. Indeed, sitting across from him was not the red-haired assassin, but her younger sister instead.

"Gee...I wonder what tipped you off," Cassiopeia dryly replied. "Was it maybe my lack of red-hair? Or maybe my serpentine lower body?"

"Where is Katarina?" Garen ignored her snide comments. "How come your sister didn't come? There was even the offer of Noxian firewater."

"Well, why do you think I'm here? I'll never miss a chance for some free alcohol." As for my sister, she is much too busy throwing knives and just being an overall blood-thirsty bitch." The Serpent's Embrace curled herself around the chair, making herself more comfortable. "We still have nine minutes before I have to move on. Let's make this as enjoyable as possible." Cassiopeia licked her lips as Garen slowly backed up in his chair.

* * *

Will Garen survive his encounter with Cassiopeia? Will anyone in the Manly Man Club actually get some? Find out next on Garen's Manly Man Club.


	13. Chapter 13

Here is the next chapter. It is a little bit longer than usual, but I did need to introduce quite a fair number of ladies. Hope everyone enjoys.

* * *

"So Garen, tell me about yourself," Cassiopeia leaned in to look at Garen up-close. "Tell me what would make you a suitable boyfriend."

"I'm not really comfortable having this conversation with you." Garen fidgeted in his seat. "I mean I'm personally more interested in your older sister. What would she say if she saw us in such close proximity?"

"My someone is feeling a bit shy." Cassiopeia snuck her tail towards Garen's legs, causing the Demacian warrior to recoil. "How cute. I was just curious in why my sister is actually interested in you."

"She is?" Garen's eyes lit up. "How do you know?"

"Well when Katarina is feeling emotional, angry or confused, she generally goes on a knife-throwing spree. The last three times she has fought against you, the training ground was littered with knives. My sisterly intuition tells me that she is in love with you. Yes definitely!" Cassiopeia declared as she clapped her hands together. "Katarina throws knives at me all the time and she loved me dearly."

"Doesn't she hate you though?" Garen asked. "I've heard her call you a nosy gossiping whore of a sister before."

"Nonsense. That is just her way of telling me that she loves me." Cassiopeia waved her hand dismissively. "Now it is my sisterly duty to ensure that you are a suitable husband for Katarina. I'm not sold on having a Demacian brother-in-law especially one who seems as plain as bread."

"I'm still not very comfortable," Garen admitted. "You are a Noxian and I really don't want to talk about this even if you are Katarina's sister."

"I see," Cassiopeia said. "I guess it is time to for me to get serious." She leaned in towards Garen. "You are aware of my reputation as the biggest gossiper in the Institute right?" Garen nodded. Everyone knew how much Cassioepia loved to gossip. No secret was safe if it was within earshot of Cassiopeia. "Well, I could just use my power to spread some rumors about you. How would you like it if I told my sister and every other champion here that you still wet your bed?"

"That is simply untrue!" Garen exclaimed. "I haven't wet the bed in years. I'm the leader of the Manly Man Club. Why would anyone believe that?"

"Simple," Cassiopeia said as she leered at Garen. "As the Queen of Gossip, I know everything that goes in around the Institute. Telling people this falsified secret of yours wouldn't be out of the ordinary. Besides, look above us in the corner." Garen turned to where Cassiopeia directed him. Garen could just make out a shadow lurking in the corner. "With a simple signal, I can have Talon break into your room, write some bogus in your journal about how you peed the bed again, and by next morning, everyone will think that you routinely wet the bed. How do you think Katarina will react once she finds out? I'm sure she'll be delighted to know that you're a Demacian weenie."

"You heartless fiend," Garen cried out. "You Noxians are as treacherous as I have always known. What cruel pleasure would you derive from blackmailing me?"

Cassiopeia shrugged her shoulders. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get what I want. If you are unwilling to do so, I have no choice but to make you suffer. I just wanted to have a pleasant conversation with a strapping gentleman to pass up some time before I can get my free drink. Now, are you going to talk about yourself so I can maybe tell my sister how much of a gentleman you are or will I have to tell her you are a bed-wetting Demacian who wears diapers and sleeps with a stuffed unicorn?"

"Fine I'll talk," Garen relented. "But I'll have you know, I sleep with a stuffed teddie bear, not a unicorn!"

"Fantastic!" Cassiopeia smirked. "It'll be nice to have a private conversation with my potential brother-in-law."

"Ugh..." Garen grunted. At least she wouldn't be spreading false rumors about him. Or at least he hoped. He couldn't take a Noxian's word for granted.

A few minutes later, the buzzer finally rang, signaling that time was up. Garen breathed a sigh of relief. It was finally over. Cassiopeia had been relentless and a total creep. This was not the evening Garen envisioned. Still, the night was young. "It was nice speaking to you," Garen said as he got out of his seat to help Cassiopeia up.

"You are quite the gentleman," she said as she took his hand. "Don't worry, I won't say anything bad to my sister about you. I will not mention your stuffed teddie bear." She looked over to see which table she'd visit next. Pantheon and Braum were both occupied. Which only left Jayce. Cassiopeia's face fell. She slowly slithered towards Jayce. The things she'd do for free alcohol...

* * *

 **Pantheon Table**

Pantheon watched as Cassiopeia was the first person to enter the room. She was certainly attractive from the waist up, but her snake lower body was very off-putting. He watched as she immediately slithered over to where Garen was. Well, he certainly hoped his luck was better than Garen's. Knowing Cassiopeia's propensity for gossip, she was sure to spread all sorts of rumors by the end of the night. Pantheon patiently waited for the next woman to enter. Between the three remaining men, Pantheon was by far the most attractive. Sure enough not a minute after Cassiopeia had arrived, Janna entered the room. Pantheon's eyes lit up. Janna the wind mage with her skimpy outfit and her bare feet. Pantheon didn't like to admit it, but he did have a bit of a foot fetish. However, Janna did not come to his table as he expected. Instead, Janna glided directly over to Braum. Pantheon shrugged his shoulders. Maybe it was just a support thing. It didn't matter. The next lady was sure to come him. Pantheon waited. Soon enough the door creaked open.

Pantheon desperately dived under the table. It was Morgana. The one person in the world Pantheon did not want to see had come through the door. He prayed that she did not see him. As he waited under the table, he heard Morgana walk by his table. Hiding under the table for the next half hour wasn't an ideal plan, but he had no alternative. So, he waited and waited. Until he suddenly felt a hand grope his left butt cheek. Pantheon yelped at the sudden contact and popped back out. As he turned to see who had felt him up, he felt a very familiar chill.

"Hello lover," Morgana purred. The Fallen Angel tried to cup Pantheon's other butt cheek, but he quickly moved her hand. "Oh? I thought you liked it when I touched your butt. I used to do it all the time back when we were together in the Baking Club." She took a seat. "So, care to tell me why you were under the table? Thought you could hide from me after you failed to tell me you were baking again?"

"No, of course not," Pantheon denied. "I just happened to drop something on the floor and went to pick it up."

"Really?" Morgana regarded the Targonian warrior. "I don't believe you. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were afraid of me. I'll admit I was very angry when I first found out you were holding a bake sale without me. I spent the first two nights moping in my bedroom, plotting all sorts of revenge plots against you." Pantheon shuddered. "Yes, it wasn't pretty," Morgana admitted. "However, I took a little more time to think about it and I realize you must've had your reasons. I forgive you."

"You do?" Pantheon asked. This conversation was going better than he thought.

"When you love someone, it is easy to forgive them over the little reasons," Morgana said. "Back when we were in the Baking Club, I may have been a little over-obsessive over you, but I couldn't help it. Your chiseled abs, your deep masculine voice, your incredibly sexy man legs, I just couldn't help it. I may have come on a little strong."

"A little strong? You groped me whenever you had a chance. I couldn't take it! I had to leave your club," Pantheon told Morgana. "I'm sorry, but I don't a relationship between us would ever work out."

"Why not?" thundered Morgana. "Is it because of that red-haired temptress? We both know Leona is happily in a relationship with Diana. Let's stop beating around the bush. I am single. You are single. I like you. You like me. I remember the first time you entered the room for my Baking Club. It was love at first sight. I felt sparks the first time our hands touched. I'm sure you felt it too. Why can't we at least try?"

"Well..." Pantheon scratched his head trying to figure out the right words to say without offending the angel. "You just aren't my type. I don't feel the same way you feel about me. I'm sorry. You are just a bit too creepy and clingy for me." Pantheon attempted to leave the table in order to get himself a drink. He needed something comforting in order to deal with Morgana.

"Creepy? Clingy? I'll show you creepy and clingy!" Morgana fired her Dark Binding spell at Pantheon, rooting him in place. "Don't even bother trying to escape," Morgana giggled as Pantheon struggled to move. "You've seen what it does on Summoner's Rift. You will not be going anywhere." Morgana looked back to where Sona was busying playing her etwahl. Morgana gave her a wink and clapped her hands twice. As Pantheon looked confused, Sona nodded and changed the tune. What was a relaxing and sooth tune now changed into a more upbeat romantic beat. Pantheon gulped. This was not going in a good direction.

A few minutes, Janna got up from her seat. It was nice having a nice long conversation without having to worry about getting hit on by someone unseemly. Braum and Janna both knew they were just there so Janna could have a free drink, but it didn't matter. Braum was not offended and it was a surprisingly fun time. Now, Janna looked to see who was next. Jayce was chattering on and on, as Cassiopeia looked bored out of her mind. She turned to where Garen's table was. Garen was currently giving a lecture to Quinn, no doubt Demacia related, seeing how animated the usually stoic Garen was. Finally she looked over to where Pantheon was seated. The poor warrior seemed extremely uncomfortable, especially since he was bound in place by Morgana's soul shackles. Remembering that Morgana was the next person after her to enter which meant her time with Pantheon was almost over, Janna made her way to Pantheon's table.

Morgana turned as Janna approached. "What do you want?" she spat. "Can't you see I'm busy with my lover?"

"Er...all the other tables are currently busy, but I think your time should be almost over," Janna said. On cue, the buzzer began ringing, signaling Morgana's time with Pantheon was over. "See?"

"I'm afraid our time has just merely begun," Morgana said as she glared at Janna. "I am not moving from this spot. I have all night with Pantheon." She gave a loving look at him. "You are just going to have to look elsewhere."

"Come on, it'll just be ten minutes. I just want my free drink," Janna pleaded.

"I'll give you five seconds to leave or else," Morgana threatened as she raised her hand, a ball of dark energy forming in her palm.

Janna sighed. Unfortunately the Fallen Angel was a lot more powerful than her. Getting on her bad side was not an option. "Ok, I'll just go hang out Sona or something until your done," Janna muttered as she left. Pantheon waved and waved, mouthing "Save me" to the wind mage, but to no avail as she left him with Morgana once again.

* * *

 **Braum Table**

Braum watched as Janna left his table. He now patiently waited for the next lady to come sit down. Whoever entered the room next had to sit down with him. He twiddled his thumbs as he waited. Soon enough, the door opened. A claw of ice came shooting towards the bald fighter. As it came closing in on Braum, it disappeared. Taking its place was Lissandra, the Ice Witch. "How lucky, you are available." Lissandra took a seat.

"What do you want?" Braum asked. He didn't trust the witch one bit.

"You," she simply stated.

"Me?" Braum exclaimed in surprise.

"Yes," Lissandra replied. "As you know Ashe and Tryndamere are happily married to one another. She has a nice strong manly man with whom she can boss around in the morning and with whom she can cuddle with every night. I want that for myself. I want a manly man of my own. I have decided that you are the perfect candidate."

"I don't know..." Braum rubbed his chin. "Surely there are much more manly men you can propose to? Look at Garen! He is the president of the Manly Man Club after all." He pointed at the Demacian juggernaut, who was currently on the ground and demonstrating the proper form of a push-up.

"That idiot?" Lissandra scoffed. "No way! He isn't nearly as manly as you are. He doesn't even have a grand mustache!" As Braum stroked his mustache in appreciation of Lissandra's compliment, she went on. "You will be the perfect husband. I have seen how you carry that great heavy shield of yours. You can sure lift a lot, which will be perfect for me."

"If you want someone to carry things for you, why not Pantheon?" Braum asked. "He is always at the gym. I'm sure he is stronger than I am."

Lissandra shook her head. "I doubt it. He is too busy focusing on his legs. Besides, he doesn't have a mustache like you do."

"Well, if you like facial hair, why not Draven? or Zilean? or Gragas? Gragas has a grand beard!" Braum said.

"We both know that your mustache is far manly than the mess of a beard Gragas has on his face," Lissandra stated.

"You are right," Braum admitted. "But what about the other men I brought up?"

"They lack one thing that one thing that only you possess. Care you take a guess?" Braum began to think about what he had that the other mustache champions didn't. Before he could wager a guess, Lissandra revealed the answer. "Your bald head!" she declared. "You are the only champion with a manly mustache and a bald head. I just want to take your bald head and lick the beads of sweat that come dripping down as you exert yourself."

"Uh..." Braum did not know how to respond.

"Shhh..." Lissandra put her finger on Braum's lips. "Say no more. I just wanted to tell you this before Sejuani comes over and tries to steal you. She is doing the very same thing as I am. She is also on the prowl for a strong man she can marry as well. I guess she has gotten tired of old Bristle. Let's be real though. I would be a far better wife than that barbaric tramp."

"Hm..." Braum noncommittally replied. He had heard many tales regarding the brutality of both women. The thought of having to go out with either of them was not something he would ever want. Still being the nice guy that he was, Braum was unable to reject Lissandra up front. As such, he puckered up in his chair and prepared himself for a few more minutes with the Ice Witch.

A few minutes later, the buzzer ranger. "Looks like my time is up," Lissandra noted. "It seems as though ten minutes wasn't enough for me to convince you. That was to be expected. Luckily, I came prepared." She reached towards Braum as black ice began forming in her hand. Soon, it took the form of a key. "Here you go," she said as she handed Braum the key. "This is the key to my room. You are welcome anytime," she winked as she summoned an ice claw towards the exit.

Braum watched as Lissandra left the room. As soon as she did, he attempted to destroy the key. There was no way he'd ever go to her room alone. Sadly, his attempts proved futile as Lissandra's ice proved far sturdier than Braum thought. At last, he decided to place it behind his shield. If Lissandra ever caused any real trouble, at least he'd have a way to access her room to look for evidence.

* * *

 **Garen Table**

Garen grunted in displeasure. This night was not going very well. Katarina had not made an appearance at all! Not only that, none of the women he had been with tonight were girl-friend material. Cassiopeia had spent her time quizzing Garen on his manhood and he wasn't interested in any Noxian not called Katarina. His time with Quinn had been a disaster as he found out that Quinn knew very little about Demacian history and etiquette. Five minutes into their speed date, Valor had decided that he needed to go to the bathroom and Garen's head would make the perfect toilet. As a result, Garen had been forced to leave in order to wash up. By the time he returned, there was another commotion in the room. Morgana was refusing to leave Pantheon's table, insisting her date wasn't over. Jarvan and Gragas were forced to intervene. They were unable to make Morgana leave, much to Pantheons chagrin, but Gragas had decided to let anyone who had three out of the four necessary stamps on their free beer waiver would get one free drink. Garen then spent the next ten minutes with Janna. However, Janna was uninterested in him. She even admitted that she was just there for the alcohol. Garen attempted to make this worth his time anyway by pesturing Janna about Lux, but Janna didn't divulge any information Garen already knew.

Garen looked up at the clock. One hour had already passed, which left one more hour until the Speed Dating event was over. Garen began to hum a silent prayer. If he believed hard enough, Katarina would come. He closed his eyes and prayed. The next person to walk into the room and sit down next to him would surely be Katarina. He soon heard the door open and opened his eyes.

Katarina had not walked into the room. Instead, it was Taric. "What are you doing here?" Garen cried out.

"Why hello Garen," Taric greeted as he walked over towards Garen. Before Garen could protest, Taric had already taken a seat. "I'm so glad you decided to hold an event like this. Now you and I can have some alone time together."

"I don't feel very comfortable," Garen said as he shifted nervously in his seat. He knew there were rumors that Taric may be gay. Now, the Shield of Valoran was sitting directly across from him, confirming the rumors. "I mean, I'm not interested in guys."

"How do you know? How about you give me a chance?" Taric asked. "I bet I'm the only one here who truly appreciates your strong muscular frame and your devotion to your country. I find it all very sexy." He licked his lips as he eyed the Demacian warrior. He then made eye contact with Sona and clapped his hands twice. Sona nodded as she began to play a more intense beat intended to get the libido humming.

Garen squirmed in his chair. Once this event was over, he was going to kill Poppy. This had not been a good idea at all! He should've never listened to a yordle.

* * *

 **Jayce Table**

Jayce was incredibly frustrated. Prior to the start of the event, he had went to Caitlyn and Vi's room in an attempt to determine why he was striking out with the ladies. He had learned a lot. What he thought was charm whenever he sidled up to a lady and made a dirty comment turned out to be incredibly off-putting to women. Caitlyn had suggested that he tone it down a little and try to hold a real conversation with a lady. Maybe talk about common interests or hobbies. So, he did what he was told. However, he was still having no success. Cassiopeia had fallen asleep when he was talking about how he had constructed his magnificent hammer. Then he decided to let the women talk. If Jayce proved himself to be a good listener, then maybe he could get lucky. That did not work. As it turned out, female gossip bored Jayce.

Jayce had decided enough was enough. He was going to go back to the old Jayce. The one who would go up to any woman and just do it. Soon he saw his target. Sona. The musician was so focused playing her music that she wasn't paying any attention to her surroundings. Jayce quickly made his move. He creeped up behind the Maven and whispered into her ear, "I bet I can help you reach your crescendo with my Mercury Hammer."

Sona leapt up from her seat. She quickly motioned to Rammus to take care of business. Rammus ran up to Jayce and headbutted him right in the crotch .As Jayce doubled over in pain, he weakly whimpered out, "Call me." Sona turned her head in the opposite direction, ignoring Jyace as he was roughly thrown back into his seat by Rammus.

Jayce's nightmare soon turned worse as he saw who entered the room next. Jinx the Loose Cannon charged in. She quickly hopped into the seat across from Jayce. "Hiya Jaycee-poo," she affectionately greeted. "How are ya doin?"

"Jinx, dear god what have I done to do this?" Jayce lamented.

"Oh don't be like that." Jinx shifted her seat until it was right next to Jayce. "I heard you are looking for a girlfriend. I'm here to tell you that I am available."

"You are?" Jayce was surprised. He was under the assumption that Jinx and Ekko were a couple.

"Yea. It'll be fun. Besides, can you imagine the look on Fathands' and Hatlady's faces if they saw that we were a couple? They would totally freak out." Jinx began to cackle. "Let's do it!"

"You just want to be with me so you can piss off Vi and Caitlyn?" Jayce's shoulders slumped. He wanted a girl to like him just for him, not for any other reason. "Also, I thought you and Ekko were together?"

"Ekko? He is boring," Jinx replied. "And don't worry about Vi and Caitlyn. I think you are handsome. You make some nice eye-candy. Fishbones thinks so too."

As Jinx began to walk around Jayce, examining every inch of his body, there was an argument at the front door. Ekko dashed through Jarvan and Poppy. "Jinx my love! Why have you forsaken me?"

"Pft! You are so boring! I wanted to blow up the Voidling bathroom today, but you were too busy playing with your Timewinder. I have decided that I want to be with a real man! One who'll actually have some fun!" Jinx started to rub Jayce's chest. "Look at Jayce. Look at how tall and handsome he is. He is more of a man than you'll ever be!" Jinx then gave Jayce a sudden smooch right on the lips, surprising the inventor.

"Jayce!" Ekko exclaimed. Ekko ran up to him. "How dare you steal my love? We must fight to the death!" Ekko grabbed his bat and smacked Jayce right in the mouth.

"If it is a fight you want, it is a fight you'll get!" Jayce and Ekko began brawling on the ground. As Jinx watched the two men fight over her, she decided to spice things up. She decided to fire her Super Mega Death Rocket! As she prepared to fire, she was suddenly bumped by the rolling Jayce and Ekko. As she fell to the ground, she hit the trigger. The rocket flew straight towards Morgana and Pantheon.

Morgana and Pantheon barely managed to duck out of the way. "What was that?" Morgana yelled. Her eyes soon fell upon Jinx. "I'd recognize you stupid rocket any day of the week. I was about to give Pantheon a kiss right before your rocket interrupted me." She raised her hand forwards as dark magic flared.

"Let's fight!" Jinx roared as she fired another rocket. This one blasted a hole through the wall. The next rocket struck Darius at the bar who had just sat down for a drink. "What the... Garen!" he cried out as he made eye contact with the Demacian. "This is for Draven!" Darius yelled as he charged forward.

Garen saw Darius coming towards him. He knew that he couldn't back down from the challenge. He drew his sword as he prepared to clash weapons. Darius was going to get it!

* * *

"The cost of all the damage caused by the fight will be 750000 gold," Caitlyn said to Garen. The bar fight had escalated. Soraka's hospital ward was overflowed to the point that she had to bring in Akali, Shen, and Kennen as emergency medical personnel. Garen was currently resting on the bed. He and Darius had fought to a draw.

"750000 gold!" exclaimed Garen. That was a lot of gold. He didn't have anywhere close to that amount of money. "Why so expensive?"

"You wrecked the bar, the next few neighboring rooms and destroyed all of Gragas' beverages. His bar will be shut down for the next week." Caitlyn shook her head. "I can't believe there was a bar fight that wasn't caused by Vi. Well, I hope you feel better. You have until tomorrow night to pay the fine." The sheriff left the hospital.

Garen blankly stared at the retreating figure. How was he going to get that much gold in less than a day?

* * *

Will Garen be able to pay back all the gold? Find out next time on Garen's Manly Man Club.


	14. Chapter 14

Here is another chapter of Garen's Manly Man Club. Hope everyone enjoys!

* * *

"We have an emergency," Garen declared. He had gathered all the members of his Manly Man Club into one of Jarvan's spare rooms. "We need to pay for all the damages caused yesterday by the fight that happened during our Speed Dating event."

"So what is the emergency?" Jarvan asked. Garen passed the prince the bill detailing the damages incurred. Jarvan's eyes popped wide open. "Is that really 750000 gold? How are we going to pay for all of this? We still haven't made any money for the club and now we have to pay 750000 gold worth of damages? Why are the costs so high anyway?"

"For your information, you guys ended up destroying almost all of my beverages," Gragas said. "Do you realize how expensive some of my drinks were? Most of the cost you are paying is going to me so I can refurnish and rebuild my bar."

"Oh Gragas, can't we talk about this? We are all brothers in the Manly Man Club. Surely you can reconsider?" Garen begged. "750000 gold is way too much. I can't afford to pay you back this much."

Gragas shook his head. "I've already given you 20% discount on all my drinks in my bar. You guys have been abusing that privilege for weeks. No, I'll need all 750000 gold in order to restore my bar back to normal. Besides, in the one week I have to wait in order to repair my bar, all of my usual business is probably going to Singed now. What happens if he finds a way to put me out of business in that one week?

Garen chuckled. "What is there to worry about? Singed doesn't even serve Demacian alcohol. How will he be able to put you out of business within a week? Look, if you do not comply with me and give us a break, I will have to kick you out of the Manly Man Club!"

"Woah, wait a second," Jarvan hastily pulled Garen back. "He doesn't mean that at all. He is just a little stressed out because Katarina didn't show up last night. We will find a way to pay for the damages Gragas." Jarvan walked Garen over to the corner of the room. "What is the matter with you?" he chastised. "You can't just go kicking out our discount alcohol. Everyone in the club would kill you!"

"Oh come on, do you guys really need 20% off alcohol?" Garen asked. "I'm the president of the Manly Man Club. Gragas isn't playing nice!"

"Kicking him out of the club will not solve the problem," Jarvan argued. He took a deep breath. "I have an idea. It isn't ideal, but I can pay off Gragas using the Demacian treasury. I believe there should be just enough to pay for the damages."

"My prince!" Garen gasped. "That would be a huge abuse of your power! You can't do this!"

"What choice do I have?" Jarvan shot back. "We have no other option. There is no other way we can make 750000 gold in a day. We can go back and ask the other members, but I don't see any other way out of this."

"Very well," Garen said. He and Jarvan went back to where the other members of the Manly Man Club were seated. "Does anyone have 750000 gold?" he asked everyone. Everyone shook their heads. Garen turned to Jarvan. "I guess this means Jarvan will be tapping into Demacian reserves in order to pay for the damages. Does anyone have any objections?" Noone spoke up. "Then it is settled. Gragas, Jarvan will be paying you the gold you'll need for repairs." As Gragas nodded and thanked the prince, Garen sighed. "This whole Speed Dating event was a disaster!" he spoke aloud.

At this moment, Poppy can humming into the room. "Sorry, I'm late," she happily greeted. "I was having a delightful breakfast with Riven and Lux and lost track of time. What did I miss?" As Poopy looked questionably around, Garen leapt into the air and swung his sword towards Poppy. Poppy yelped as she narrowly dodged out of the way. "What was that for?" she angrily yelled at Garen.

"That was for coming up with the ridiculous speed dating idea!" Garen roared as he swunng his sword again, but missed his mark. "Thanks to you, we now have to pay 750000 gold to Gragas because of all the damage that was caused during the event."

"You can't blame that all of me," Poppy grumbled. "Our bake sale also ended with a fight and we lost money as well. I can't be responsible for the fact that you suck with the ladies."

"How dare you!" Garen exclaimed. "It isn't my fault Katarina never showed up. If she had, I would be in my bedroom right now instead of here talking with you guys. Besides, it's not like anyone else here got lucky.

Jayce raised his hand. "I did get a kiss from Jinx," he sheepishly admitted. "Right on the lips. There was even a little tongue."

"You did? Nice!" Jarvan complimented as Rammus and Poppy went over to give Jayce high-fives. Braum and Gragas also gave the Piltoverian their congradulations as Garen stared in shock. How did Jayce get a kiss before he did? Garen had been around Jayce. Jayce sucked.

"That doesn't count. Jinx is insane," Garen declared. "Now then, we have some Manly Man business to discuss. So far both of our events have been failures."

"Hold on, that totally counts!" Jayce shot back. "She is into me. I think you are just jealous that Katarina never showed up last night. Besides, I'm not the only one. Pantheon and Morgana were getting pretty handsy too. So out of the four of us, two succedded. I'll take the 50% success rate."

"Ugh..." Garen groaned. He looked around the room. "Speaking of Pantheon where is he? He hasn't showed up yet." Garen shook his fist. "Why is he always late? Rammus go and find him!" Rammus gave Garen a quick salute before he rolled out of the room.

* * *

Pantheon peered behind his back as he slowly tiptoed down the hall. He needed to make sure Morgana wasn't following him. He turned his head back and forth. No sign of the Fallen Angel. He breathed a quick sigh of relief. His salvation was near. All he needed to do was turn the corner and knock. A long time ago, Pantheon had made fun of Twisted Fate when the Card Master complained about Evelynn stalking him. It was bad enough having someone stalk you, but it was even worse when the stalker could her invisible at her leisure and wait whenever she wanted to strike. Worst of all, Twisted Fate wasn't allowed to activate his Destiny ability, which would've allowed him to keep eyes of Evelynn whenever he wanted. Due to the fact there had been concerns from some of the female champions that he could easily use his ability to spy on them in the shower, it had been banned in the Institute. Now Pantheon had some idea of what the Card Master had to deal with. Morgana certainly couldn't turn invisible, but if he wasn't careful, Morgana could easily surprise him with her Dark Binding and prevent him from moving, just like she did last night. Pantheon took one last look around to make sure Morgana wasn't around and then dashed around the corner and began pounding on the first door.

"Stop knocking on the door, my head hurts," groaned Kayle as she opened the door. As soon as the door was opened, Pantheon leapt into the room and quickly closed the door. "What is going on?" Kayle asked. "I'm still a little hungover. Can you please leave me alone and let me sleep a little longer?"

"No, don't leave me," Pantheon pleaded. "I need a safe space. A space where I can hide from Morgana."

"My sister?" What has she done now?" Kayle gestured for Pantheon to sit down as she poured the warrior some tea. "I thought you had left her Baking Cub a long time ago," she said as she passed him the cup of tea.

"Yes I did," Pantheon replied as he took a sip. "She had been inappropriately feeling me up. However, recently I had joined Garen's Manly Man Club. Our first event as a club was a Bake Sale. Unfortunately she had found out I had some baking without her. As a result, during the next Speed Dating event last night, she comes over to my table and binds me in place. I had to spend the next hour trapped in the same space as her. I still shudder everytime I think of what she had done to me. I'm just lucky Jinx caused that fight or else I may have ended up in bed with your sister."

Kayle laughed. "My sister can be a tad over obsessive. I'm afraid at this point you are just going to have to learn to deal with it."

"How can I?" Pantheon asked. "She is so creepy. I don't know what I can do. Besides, all she needs to do is hit me with one binding and then I'll be at her mercy. Why do you think I am here? You are her older sister sister. Surely you have some method to reign her in? Make her less aggressive? I could hardly sleep last night because I was so worried she'd find a way to break into my room."

"She hates me as much as she obsesses over you as of right now. I don't know how much help I'd be. If anything, if I tried to intervene, she'd probably use it as an excuse to continue to rebel against me and go after you even harder." Kayle took a sip of her own cup of tea. "You should wait until her infatuation with you wears off. Believe me when I say this isn't the first time Morgana has done this."

"So I just have to wait for her to find another boy-toy?" Pantheon squawked. "How long do I have to wait? Weeks? Months?"

Kayle shrugged her shoulders. "She stalked her last victim for over three years before she got tired of him."

"Three years!" shrieked Pantheon. "How am I going to survive three years of this? I spent one evening with her and I am already running for the hills. Do you know by any chance why Morgana stopped stalking him?"

"No idea, but I haven't heard from the man since." As Pantheon paled upon hearing this, Kayle began to laugh. "I wouldn't worry though. You know the League forbids any type of violence that'd potentially endanger a champion's life."

"That is reassuring," Pantheon sarcastically remarked as he rolled his eyes. "So there is absolutely nothing I can do?" Pantheon threw his hands up in frustration. "I guess I'll have to learn to deal with it like a man. Thanks anyway." Pantheon finished his cup of tea before he left Kayle's room.

Kayle watched Pantheon leave her room before she laid back down on her couch. She really did have too much to drink last night. She silently cursed Gragas for brewing the best beer. As she laid down, she began to think about what Pantheon had said. If she really wanted to, Kayle would've easily been able to put a halt to Morgana's plans. However, that would draw her sister's attetion back to herself. And Kayle didn't want to deal with Morgana pestering and plotting against her every second of every day. Kayle enjoyed her free time. It sucked that Pantheon was the one who was stuck with Morgana now, but Morgana could've done worse. At least it wasn't Draven. Kayle yawned as she got herself more comfortable. She needed to sleep off her hangover.

* * *

"Now that you are finally done bragging about Jinx, can we get back on topic?" Garen was not happy. Jayce had spent the past fifteen minutes retelling the greatly exaggerated tale of how he had brutally beaten up Ekko before engaging in an epic make-out session with Jinx which would have gone a lot further if Morgana hadn't interrupted. Jayce then rambled on about how he went on a killing spree before he was finally shut down. "So far all of our events have been complete failures. Our bake sale generated no revenue and although a few of us managed to somehow get lucky during our dating event." Garen took a moment to pause and glare at Jayce. "We ended up losing way too much money. As such I have decided to go in a new direction. We will be recruiting more members into the Manly Man Club."

"More members?" Jayce asked. "I thought we already had a great collection of the manliest champions here in the Institute. We will be diluting our level of manliness if we just decide to accept anyone."

"I assure you that whomever we will be adding to the club will be manly. Besides, why are you the one complaining? You are the least manly champion here. You forget that Pantheon and I are still in the process of teaching you how to be a real man," Garen pointed out.

"And I assure you, your efforts aren't in vain," Jayce responded. "After all, I did just make-out with a psychotic hottie. That has to be up there in terms of manly activities."

"Nevertheless, we need some new blood," Garen continued, ignoring Jayce. "We will be holding tryouts starting tomorrow." Jayce raised his hand. "What now?"

"Well, I was just wondering, will I get a say this time?" Jayce asked. "Last time I was knocked unconscious by the yordles, so I wasn't able to judge any of the newcomers."

"Ugh..." Garen groaned. Jayce was getting so annoying. "Sure, do whatever you want." Garen turned to Braum. "Braum, make some flyers for our recruitment drive. Once Rammus comes back, have him put them up all around the Insititute." Braum nodded as he began to work. Garen sat down again. Tomorrow was going to be a fantastic today. More manly men to be recruited. Garen couldn't wait.

* * *

So new members will finally be joining Garen's Manly Man Club. Who will these lucky champions be? Find out next time on Garen's Manly Man Club.

The next two chapters will be the auditions for Garen's Manly Man Club. I have been reading everyone's reviews and suggestions and I do have a finalized roster in mind. Although not every champion will be manly enough for Garen's taste, I'll at least try to have them make an appearance. For all we know, there could be a rival club down the line ;)


	15. Chapter 15

Sorry that this update came so late. I had gotten sick, then got put on antibiotics, which messed up by stomach and made it heard for me to fully concentrate on writing. To top it all off, my laptop also blew up. Needless to say, the past few weeks could've gone better. However, I'm all better now and have a new computer. Hope everyone enjoys this exciting chapter.

* * *

Garen sat patiently on top of his high chair. To the left of him sat Pantheon, Gragas, Braum, and Rammus. After much time, Rammus had finally found Pantheon and the rest of the club had managed to convince him that being together in a group was much safer against Morgana than being alone. To the right of Garen, sat Jarvan, Poppy, and Jayce. Since there was an even number of members of the Manly Man Club, Garen had decided that since he was the leader, he automatically had tie breaker vote. He took another look at the clock. It was five minutes until nine. The tryouts were to start at nine, but Garen was getting bored. Using his executive powers, he decided to start it early. He gestured for Xin Zhao to open the door and let the first champion in. Xin Zhao took one look at Jarvan for confirmation. The prince gave him a quick nod, so Xin Zhao went over and opened the door.

Garen watched the Seneschal of Demacia do his job. It was a pity that Xin Zhao just wasn't manly enough to join the club. His loyalty to Jarvan was truly admirable. Quinn was also brought in as security per Jarvan's request, but the ranger was currently sitting in a nearby chait bored out of her mind. As the door opened, Garen eagerly peered over his chair to see who would come in first. As the first entrant arrived, Garen's jaw dropped. "Teemo? Why are you here again?" Garen asked the yordle scout as Teemo stood in the middle of the room.

"Isn't it obvious? I want to join the Manly Man Club," Teemo declared.

"But we already rejected you when you forced us to include a yordle," Garen pointed out. "What could have possibly changed?"

"I think you really misjudged me the first time," Teemo replied. "Besides, even though you guys already have a yordle in the club, there is no rule stating that there can't be more than one yordle in a club. I happen to be the manliest yordle here in the Institute." Teemo took a moment to catch his breath and gave Poppy a dirty look. "I am the fastest yordle and can do the most push-ups. Besides, if I wasn't manly, then how do I have a girlfriend?"

"Having a girlfriend doesn't automatically make you manly," Garen said. "Look at Pantheon. Look at his manly legs. He doesn't have a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure even you'd agree that he is much manly than you."

Teemo began to laugh. "Pantheon is pretty manly," he admitted. "But I have the yordle equivalent of his legs, so I am not impressed. Not only that, while he hides his face under his helmet, my hat is a fashion icon. From what I've heard, replicas of my hat are always sold out in the Institute of War gift shop. Not only that, while I have an amazing relationship with Tristana, Pantheon runs like a little girl whenever he sees Morgana. Last and most importantly, Pantheon wears a skirt! A skirt! How can that be considered manly?" Teemo continued to laugh as he let that sink in.

"You little yordle piece of garbage. Have a taste of my shield!" Pantheon leapt into the air and attempted to bash in Teemo's skull with his aegis. Pantheon landed in front of the yordle and swung his shield forward. Teemo quickly dodged out the way and shot a blinding dart at Pantheon, hitting him right on the thigh. "I can't see!" Pantheon exclaimed as he began to blindly throw spears around the room, hoping that one of them would hit Teemo. Sadly for the warrior, he was throwing them in the wrong direction, forcing the members of the Manly Man Club to dodge out of the way. Finally, Braum jumped next to Pantheon and with one swift punch, knocked him out cold.

As Rammus went over to pick up Pantheon and escort him over to Soraka's ward, Teemo began to triumphantly cheer. "Since I've managed to humiliate Pantheon, that means I am manlier than him and since I'm manlier than a member of the Manly Man Club, that means I should be allowed to join!"

"Not so fast." Garen put up his hand. "Pantheon has been going through a rough stretch. I doubt he has been getting much sleep. I think you just happened to catch him on a bad day."

Teemo rolled his eyes. "Then what do I have to do to prove my manliness?" he snapped.

Braum quickly whispered something into Garen's ear. As Garen listened to Braum's suggestion, his grin grew larger and larger. "Great idea Braum," he whispered back. Garen turned to address Teemo. "If you can defeat Braum in an arm-wrestling contest, you will be allowed into the Manly Man Club."

Teemo's face paled. "Braum?" he whimpered. He looked at the freljordian support. Teemo gulped. He stood no chance against Braum. If he tried, he'd probably end up with a broken hand. Teemo looked around the room, looking for some way out of this situation. As he looked over each member of the Manly Man Club, a sudden thought popped up in his head. "I'll arm-wrestle," he declared. "However, I get to choose my opponent."

"Sure whatever." Garen chuckled to himself. It honestly didn't matter. Teemo was a tiny yordle. Everyone could beat him in an arm wrestling match.

"I choose Poppy!" Teemo declared.

"What?" Garen facepalmed. He completely forgot about Poppy. "You can't..." he tried to argue.

"You just said that I could," Teemo interrupted. "Or are you going back on what you just agreed upon." Teemo yawned. "I knew I could never trust a Noxian's words, but now I can't even trust a Demacian? How can this be?"

Garen was shellshocked. Teemo had him by the balls. If he really did go back on what he said, Teemo would be correct. He'd be as dirty as a Noxian. Garen started to silently pray to himself as Poppy sauntered over to the center where Teemo was patiently waiting. How could a girl ever beat a boy in a contest of strength? Garen prayed to the gods that they'd grant Poppy the strength to overpower Teemo.

A few minutes later, Tristana came rocket-jumping into the room. "What happened?" she asked. "I was in the shooting range when Quinn and Valor came flying over and told me to come here." Tristana then heard a familiar sob. Teemo was clutching his wrist as he continued to bawl his eyes out. "What happened to Teemo?" she demanded.

"I may have broken his wrist when we arm-wrestled,"Poppy revealed as she scratched her head.

"What have I told you about rough-housing?" Tristana shook her head as she went over to Teemo. "Don't worry I'll get you to Soraka's," Tristana consoled Teemo as she escorted her boyfriend out of the room.

"That was a splendid display!" Jarvan went over to Poppy to shake her hand. "You have just earned yourself a nice payraise!"

"Indeed," Garen agreed. "Nice job! Xin Zhao, send the next champion in." In came Graves. "Graves," Garen greeted. "Why should we let you in the Manly Man Club?"

"I have a nice mustache. I got a sweet gun." Graves took a moment to show off his gun and sensually rub his hands against the barrel. "Most importantly, I'm an outlaw. The ladies loves a bad boy." Graves grinned. "You guys need a bad boy in your club. I'm your man."

"Hm..." Jarvan was the first one to speak up. "I don't know... you do have the ability to run away like a little girl. I don't think a manly man would dash away from battle like you do."

"I'll have you know I dash into fights because I'm a man," Graves responded.

"Where is you cigar?" Jayce asked.

"My cigar? Well, some champions claimed that my cigar was setting a bad example for Annie and Amumu. I tried to convince them otherwise, but I failed. Vi broke into my room and Caitlyn confiscated all of my cigars. I went to Twisted Fate's room where I hid the rest of my cigars, but that bastard sold me out again! So now cigars are outlawed and even if I wanted to smoke one in private, I don't have any left."

"That is sad to hear," Garen said. "Unfortunately without your cigar, you don't have the manliness needed to join my club."

"Well, I vape now," Graves brought up.

"That is far less classier than your cigar. Unless you start smoking your cigar again, you cannot join the club. Any objections?" Garen looked around the table. No one said a word. "Next." Graves grumbled to himself as he left the room.

In leapt Jax. "Jax, why should we allow you in the Manly Man Club?" Garen asked.

"I'm the Grandmaster at Arms. Not just a master. A grandmaster. Check this shit out." Jax began to twirl his lamppost in an attempt to impress Garen and the Manly Man Club.

"Hm...not bad," Garen noted. "You do happen to be one of the best duelists in the League. I can respect that."

"I'm the best," Jax corrected. "I'll gladily pimp-smack anyone with my lamppost to prove my point."

"What about Fiora?" Garen asked. He really didn't like the woman, but he couldn't deny her combat abilities. She did deserve her title as the Grand Duelist.

"That uptight bitch?" Jax laughed. "I can already own her with my lamppost. Imagine what happen if I had a real weapon like a broadsword or something. She wouldn't stand a chance." Jax looked over to Gragas. "Hey, I heard what happened to your bar. Where are we going to drink this weekend?"

"We'll figure it out later," Gragas answered. "I for one think Jax is manly. How many people do you know that can beat around champions with only a lamppost? Not only that, Jax can really hold his liquor. Aside from Braum, he is the only other champion who can go drinking all night with me!"

"That is certainly impressive," Garen agreed. "You are the first champion so far who seems to be qualified. Are there any objections?"

Jayce raised his hand. "I just don't think he has the style necessary to be a manly man," Jayce said. "I mean, the guy runs around in purple robes. I'm no fashionista like Taric, but I'm pretty sure you'll all agree with me that purple is the worst color to wear. It is ugly. Second, I think his lamppost is vastly overrated. He could've chosen any weapon to fight with and he chooses a lamppost? If you want to go into a fight, you gotta fight with style!" Jayce brought out his Mercury Hammer and began to switch between its hammer and cannon mode. "Look at this baby. This is how it is done."

"Hmmmmm..." Garen began to tap his foot. "How about we put this to a vote? All in favor of Jax joining the club raise their hands." Everyone except Jayce raised their hand. "Then it is settled. Welcome to the club Jax."

"NO!" Jayce roared. "I will prove that Jax is not manly at all. I challenge him to a duel." Before anyone could object, Jayce leapt into the air. Jayce readied his hammer, prepared to bring his mighty hammer down right on top of Jax. Jax easily blocked Jayce's strike and with a quick blow to Jayce's groin, felled the Defender of Tomorrow. "What a joke," Jax laughed as Jayce doubled over in pain. He then leapt onto Jayce's empty seat.

"Rammus go get Jayce another chair," Garen ordered as Jayce laid on the ground. "Xin Zhao, let the next champion in." As the door opened, in spun Tryndamere. "I'm here to join the Manly Man Club," he announced.

"You definitely have the muscles," Garen observed. "You also married the hottie Ashe. I think this should be an easy decision."

"Wait a second," Braum interrupted. "How will Ashe feel about this?"

"Ashe? She doesn't know I'm here," Tryndamere whispered. "She never lets me have any fun anymore. That is why I want to join. I want proof that I am still a manly man. Ashe has really made me doubt myself. She is an absolute tyrant, dictating my every move. I always thought the men were joking about getting tied down once you got married, but sadly it is very true. I don't get any time to do what I want. It is always 'Tryndamere do this, Trynadamere get that, Trynadamere you are sleeping on the couch tonight because I am a royal bitch.' It is driving me crazy."

"Is that really how married life will be like?" Jarvan wondered. If that was what life was going to be like once he officially married Shyvana, then life was going to suck. Maybe he shouldn't have proposed to Shyvana so quickly. He had already paid the wedding deposit.

"Wait a second," Garen looked at Tryndamere. "You have such bulging muscles. How are you letting a woman like Ashe boss you around. Can't you just slap her or something?"

"Absolutely not!" Tryndamere thundered. "I may be the Barbarian King, but that doesn't mean I am a savage. I happen to treat women with the respect they deserve. Unfortunately, Ashe is so mean!" Just as Tryndamere was going to continue on about how Ashe treated him, he suddenly felt a chill in the air. Before he could react, Ashe's crystal arrow had struck him right in the buttocks. "Owie!" he yelped. As he rubbed where the arrow had made contact, Ashe came striding into the room. "This isn't what it looks like," Tryndamere pleaded to his wife.

"It looks like you were having a sausage party," Ashe coolly remarked. "What have I told you about consorting with other men? You are my husband which means you need to be by my side all of the time. Now, I'm going shopping and I need to come along and carry the bags. You are also sleeping on the couch for the rest of the week." Tryndamere slumped his shoulders and dejectedly followed his wife out of the room.

"Wow he is whipped," Garen remarked. "Time for the next champion." As Garen called for the next champion, a hole spawned right in the center of the room. A second later, Tahm Kench popped out of the hole. "And that is how you make a stylish entrance," Tahm Kench announced to the Manly Man Club. "Now, I'll tell you why I deserve to be in the Manly Man Club. I got a long tongue and I know how to use it." Tahm Kench lashed his tongue out in demonstration, striking Jayce right in the face. "I also wear a snazzy top hat and I can eat my enemies. That is incredibly manly. So how about it? I got what it takes right?"

As Garen opened his mouth to respond, a flash of light blinked into the room. "Garen," Ezreal greeted. "There you are."

"What are you doing here?" Garen glared at Ezreal. "This is the try-outs for the Manly Man Club, not a fashion show. Please leave. Tahm Kench has just made a very tempting audition and we would like some privacy to discuss his qualifications. Unless..." Garen paused. "Unless you are here to try and convince me that you should be dating Lux instead of Riven. Don't bother. You would be a massive downgrade even though Riven is a Noxian. At least, she was able to pass my manliness test. You couldn't even pass the first trial."

"I'm not here about that! I'm here because you have a match in three minutes. Come on, everyone on the blue side is already waiting."

"Jayce smacked his forehead. "Oh shoot, I forgot. I do have a match in three minutes as well."

Garen groaned. Jayce and Ezreal both on his team? It was going to take a miracle for him to carry the team.

* * *

Garen closed his eyes as he waited for the teleporter to take him onto Summoner's Rift. As he felt his feet touch the stone floor of the rift, he quickly bought his long sword and three potions. He was going man-mode today. He had to. He looked over his team once last time. Jayce and Ezreal were going to be useless and Thresh as the support wouldn't be able to carry. That left Elise as the jungler and Garen wasn't going to trust some creepy spider to win the game. Garen took one last look at the enemy team. He was going up against Olaf the Berserker. It was going to be a great battle between manly men. In fact, depending on how the battle went, Garen was planning on asking Olaf to join his Manly Man Club. Garen made his way to his top lane turret and waited in the first set of bushes. As Garen waited for the minions to arrive or Olaf to foolishly facecheck, there was already action going on in the midlane. Jayce and Ekko were already fighting in the midlane, no doubt fighting over Jinx. Sadly for Garen and the team, Jayce had given up first-blood. Garen shook his head. He really did wonder why Jayce was in the club sometimes. Nevertheless, he was still going to win. Soon after, the minions from both sides arrived, with Olaf leading his minions. The Berserker was not dressed in his classic clothing and was instead dressed as the legendary Brolaf. The two warriors immediately began clashing weapons, eager to test their might.

Garen took a quick breath as he briefly retreated. Brolaf was truly a manly man. They were dead even. Still, Garen was confident he'd be able to get the upper hand. As he went back to fighting with Brolaf, he could feel that he was gaining the upper hand. Soon, he saw his chance. Garen charged forward and begun to spin his mighty sword. Just as he was about to slay Brolaf, he suddenly felt himself tackled by a large weight from the side. It was the enemy jungler Sejuani. She had collided with him on her pet boar Bristle. With a few swings of her flail, Sejuani had Garen on the ropes. Right before her final blow of the flail, she whispered into Garen's ear, "You are my bitch." Garen had barely any time to process what she had said before her flail made direct contact with his head.

About twenty minutes later, Garen left Summoner's Rift in complete shock. He and his team had been completely decimated. Sejuani had made it her mission to camp the top lane and make Garen's life miserable. He really couldn't blame her. Although Jayce was able to make up for his early gaffe against Ekko, he was unable to sadly influence the bottom lane, which as Garen predicted got destroyed so badly that they had no choice but to forfeit at the twenty minute mark. Still, what Sejuani said to him every time she came up to the top lane confused him. Shewould always call him her bitch and would talk really dirty to him. It boggled his mind. He went over to his team and asked, "Did any of you guys hear anything weird from Sejuani? She kept calling me her bitch."

"Yea, she did the same thing to me when she came to gank the midlane," Jayce responded. "Strange, I usually find getting dominated by a woman kinky, but Sejauni was really scary. I think you fed her too much top lane."

"Hey, she didn't call me her bitch," Ezreal noted. He began to sniffle. "The ladies never notice me," he began to sob. He continued to cry as he left the lobby. Thresh had already left as he had been thoroughly embarrassed by what had happened to him in lane and Elise was so angry that everyone had lost their lanes that she left without saying a word.

"Hm... that is strange." Garen stroked his chin. "I haven't had much interaction with Sejuani. Why would she suddenly call me her bitch? This doesn't make any sense."

"I don't know either," Jayce admitted. "Don't worry, I'll give you a great massage and you'll feel all better." Jayce began to rub his hands over Garen's shoulder blades. "You are really stressed."

Garen pulled Jayce's hands away. "No," Garen said. "We need to get back to the meeting room. There are more manly men to be found." Jayce frowned as he followed Garen back to the room.

* * *

Pantheon woke up startled. He just had the strangest dream. He was fighting Teemo, but had been blinded by one of the yordle's darts and began to go on a mindless rampage before he was smacked over the head. As he looked at his surroundings, Pantheon quickly realized that he was in the hospital wing. Pantheon stretched out a little and cracked his neck. Soon after he was awake, he heard the door open. "Ah good timing Soraka," he began. "What happened..." He gulped as he saw who had entered the room. Much to his dismay, it was not Soraka who entered as he expected. Instead it was Morgana. "Why are you here?" he asked.

"My, I heard who were injured darling and I spent the morning and afternoon by your side making sure you were ok," Morgana said. "How are you feeling? Teemo and Braum really messed you up. I believe Soraka said that you had a minor concussion."

Pantheon groaned. So it really wasn't a dream. He got beat up by Teemo. "Where is Soraka? I want to get out of here."

"Soraka? She won't be coming in here for another hour. Since I have bought us some precious alone time, let's make the best use of it. Morgana began to lean towards Pantheon and capture his lips, but Pantheon brought his hand up to stop her. "What are you doing?" Morgana questioned. "We are all alone. Let's have a little fun."

"No," Pantheon sat firm. "This can't happen. I don't feel the same way you do."

"Well, why don't I change that? Surely there is something I can do that can change your mind."

Pantheon laughed. "Well maybe if you get me another tablet from Heimerdinger, then I'll consider it." As he looked over to where Morgana was, he saw that the Fallen Angel had already vanished. He laid back on his bed as he waited for Soraka to medically clear him. He just prayed that Morgana knew that he was joking or else he might be partially responsible for the death of the greatest yordle inventor.

* * *

Don't worry, there will be more champions auditioning for Garen's Manly Man Club in the next chapter. And now for the real important question:

Should I Unbench the Kench?


End file.
